[ . . . . they're going to yell so much soon. he's just sighing for a bit, taking a second to collect his own emotions while takeru's back is turned, and he'll go do what he said.
when he's back, he's washed up himself as much as he could, changed clothes, brought back medicine, water, small snacks, and a new pair of sweats for takeru. he sure did run so that he could make sure he's back before takeru was done showering
[ . . . . he is sighing. again. louder this time but he's following after with everything he brought. he'll toss him the clothes but also is sitting on takeru's bed as if to really fucking make sure it's clear that he's not budging]
.... tell me what you're thinking?
[takeru did say that he'd tell him more than he thought if he just asked]
[ . . . . he just sighs then, feeling like he's going to be sighing a lot today, moving to get up and then sitting in front of takeru. he'll hold both hands out to him, palms up like he's waiting for takeru's]
.... I'm pretty mad. I don't forgive you. I think... it'll take a while for us to really work through what happened.
[ . . . . ]
But it just means I didn't yell at you enough, or I wasn't able to get through to you. Even if we talked about it a hundred times, apparently we need to talk about it a thousand more.
As your partner, what happened today is on me too.
What? I-- how the hell can you still consider me your partner?!
[ it's snapped out, and it really doesn't have to be emotionshare week for it to be obvious how angry he is. not at mineo, really, but... mineo is the one who's here, so he's the one who has to deal with it. ]
[and he seems to realize it - but since takeru's snapped at him, mineo sure as fuck is just snapping back. well, so much for his calm.]
I know it's fucking crazy after knowing you left me behind! But I already hit you for it, so until you feel better, that much is gonna have to tide me over!
And I also know that no matter what happened today, I still fucking panicked at the idea of losing you!!
he both regrets it and he doesn't. he doesn't, because it was for something that he wants so desperately, and he doesn't think he'll ever actually regret going for revenge.
but he does, because there are people here he cares about, even if he's bad at showing it. having to see them all after? how they showed concern? it was heartbreaking. ]
he pulls him closer then, if only to see if he'll move with the gesture]
... we really have had this conversation a hundred times - but okay. We'll have it again. First time of a thousand more.
I can't be happy without you. Even if I'm mad at you, even if I don't forgive you right now - the idea of you pulling away from me right at the end, right before we go home...
if takeru's struggling, then mineo doesn't mind being stubborn. he'll hold onto him once he's closer then, letting his arms circle around him in a hold that's loose enough that he can still pull away if he wants to.]
... I don't know that I do. [he frowns] Or - I don't know if I want more than this. Does wanting more mean that you'll slip away the second I get distracted again?
Or do you mean that you want to try harder? To make up for what happened?
[ he hasn't really sat back to analyze his actions. sometimes, you make a terrible decision, and then immediately get triggered repeatedly after and have to do work??
[ it would be a lot easier if he didn't, because then maybe this sinking feeling in his chest would disappear. but here he is instead, leaning in just slightly at mineo's touch. ]
... we're all getting our wishes tomorrow. Or - if we aren't, then we'll have the chance to stay until we do. I'll be with you, until both of our wishes are granted.
[he'll let his touch remain then, if takeru's leaning into it. his hand shifts just so that it rests at takeru's jaw, cradling his face]
What's left?
That you'd choose over me?
What could get me to hate you, when even now I only want you with me?
he doesn't reply right away, instead just leaning into mineo's touch.
what's left? if he gets his wish, then... well. nothing, really? from there it would just be solving x-day, reinstating the gun law, and then what else? what's after that?
he reaches out to mirror mineo's hold, placing a hand against mineo's cheek. ]
[sometimes you choose your partner and you literally cannot choose anything or anyone else, because you can only focus on one concept at a time and today's concept is -
. . . it's exasperation. it's fondness. it's bitterness. it's brewing forgiveness. it's, more than any of that, an overwhelming loyalty and the realization that someone means more to you than you even have words for.]
.... there won't be.
[and he'll lean into takeru's touch too.]
I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure that there's nothing and no one that you'll choose before me anymore.
We can talk about... everything else. How you're feeling, what we're gonna do from here but... understand this much first.
You know what it's like to not choose me - and I know that's complicated.... but if there's really nothing left, now that you're getting what you want....
but he already knew that mineo is a much kinder person than he is, even with all of his own baggage. and it shows again and again, and sometimes it's more startling than others.
there's a moment of hesitation, and he very slowly leans forward to kiss him.
it's gentle, and short-- takeru pulls away very soon after. ]
After we figure out X-Day... I think I really might go to America for a little bit.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ and he will just turn around and just head straight to the bathroom. ]
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when he's back, he's washed up himself as much as he could, changed clothes, brought back medicine, water, small snacks, and a new pair of sweats for takeru. he sure did run so that he could make sure he's back before takeru was done showering
and he'll wait]
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takeru does not seem surprised to see mineo here, mostly just tired, and he immediately just heads straight to his bedroom. ]
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.... tell me what you're thinking?
[takeru did say that he'd tell him more than he thought if he just asked]
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I told you so.
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[ . . . . and he'll just sigh about it. again. heavier now, like it's just hitting him the extent of what takeru did.]
.... so - you said that you didn't want to be made into a liar, right? And since it happened....
I'm allowed to be mad at you?
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[ like, to the point that he is genuinely confused as to why mineo is even doing all of this for him. it even shows a little in his expression?
instead of sitting on the bed, takeru will just go to a corner of the room and settle down on the floor, his back against the wall. ]
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.... I'm pretty mad. I don't forgive you. I think... it'll take a while for us to really work through what happened.
[ . . . . ]
But it just means I didn't yell at you enough, or I wasn't able to get through to you. Even if we talked about it a hundred times, apparently we need to talk about it a thousand more.
As your partner, what happened today is on me too.
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[ it's snapped out, and it really doesn't have to be emotionshare week for it to be obvious how angry he is. not at mineo, really, but... mineo is the one who's here, so he's the one who has to deal with it. ]
After that? Are you stupid?
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[and he seems to realize it - but since takeru's snapped at him, mineo sure as fuck is just snapping back. well, so much for his calm.]
I know it's fucking crazy after knowing you left me behind! But I already hit you for it, so until you feel better, that much is gonna have to tide me over!
And I also know that no matter what happened today, I still fucking panicked at the idea of losing you!!
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[ he rubs at his face furiously, and then leaves his hands there for a second as he tries to regroup.
it's really a soul crushing feeling, actually having to face your mistakes. funny, how heavy the consequences of your choices are. ]
This isn't going to work out.
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... you don't get to decide that.
Takeru, come on. Look at me.
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[ he doesn't want to?
but, eventually, actually look mineo in the face. ]
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... I'm not leaving you. Now, more than ever, I'm not going to let you go.
And if you regret what you did, then you really have to make up for me. I won't let you run away.
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he both regrets it and he doesn't. he doesn't, because it was for something that he wants so desperately, and he doesn't think he'll ever actually regret going for revenge.
but he does, because there are people here he cares about, even if he's bad at showing it. having to see them all after? how they showed concern? it was heartbreaking. ]
You should do something that'll make you happy.
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he pulls him closer then, if only to see if he'll move with the gesture]
... we really have had this conversation a hundred times - but okay. We'll have it again. First time of a thousand more.
I can't be happy without you. Even if I'm mad at you, even if I don't forgive you right now - the idea of you pulling away from me right at the end, right before we go home...
How could that make me happy?
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You deserve a lot more than this.
[ mineo really should be spending time with his friends, being content that they probably did a good(?) job in finishing things here. ]
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if takeru's struggling, then mineo doesn't mind being stubborn. he'll hold onto him once he's closer then, letting his arms circle around him in a hold that's loose enough that he can still pull away if he wants to.]
... I don't know that I do. [he frowns] Or - I don't know if I want more than this. Does wanting more mean that you'll slip away the second I get distracted again?
Or do you mean that you want to try harder? To make up for what happened?
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[ he hasn't really sat back to analyze his actions. sometimes, you make a terrible decision, and then immediately get triggered repeatedly after and have to do work??
but he sighs, closing his eyes. ]
You shouldn't have to be stuck with me.
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[at least now that takeru's not slimey, mineo doesn't seem to mind it as much - reaching out to run a hand through his hair, letting the touch linger]
You already know you're not off the hook. [they have a lot to unpack here!]
... but it's not like I'm here against my will. I just don't regret choosing you - so I still am.
Do you regret choosing me?
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[ it would be a lot easier if he didn't, because then maybe this sinking feeling in his chest would disappear. but here he is instead, leaning in just slightly at mineo's touch. ]
It feels like I trapped you more than anything.
[ ... ]
I'm going to make you hate me one day.
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... we're all getting our wishes tomorrow. Or - if we aren't, then we'll have the chance to stay until we do. I'll be with you, until both of our wishes are granted.
[he'll let his touch remain then, if takeru's leaning into it. his hand shifts just so that it rests at takeru's jaw, cradling his face]
What's left?
That you'd choose over me?
What could get me to hate you, when even now I only want you with me?
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he doesn't reply right away, instead just leaning into mineo's touch.
what's left? if he gets his wish, then... well. nothing, really? from there it would just be solving x-day, reinstating the gun law, and then what else? what's after that?
he reaches out to mirror mineo's hold, placing a hand against mineo's cheek. ]
I'm sure there's something.
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. . . it's exasperation. it's fondness. it's bitterness. it's brewing forgiveness. it's, more than any of that, an overwhelming loyalty and the realization that someone means more to you than you even have words for.]
.... there won't be.
[and he'll lean into takeru's touch too.]
I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure that there's nothing and no one that you'll choose before me anymore.
We can talk about... everything else. How you're feeling, what we're gonna do from here but... understand this much first.
You know what it's like to not choose me - and I know that's complicated.... but if there's really nothing left, now that you're getting what you want....
Know that I'm expecting a lot from you too.
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but he already knew that mineo is a much kinder person than he is, even with all of his own baggage. and it shows again and again, and sometimes it's more startling than others.
there's a moment of hesitation, and he very slowly leans forward to kiss him.
it's gentle, and short-- takeru pulls away very soon after. ]
After we figure out X-Day... I think I really might go to America for a little bit.
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