Whether I regret it or not doesn't matter. I just don't think I can right now.
[ maybe in the future?
but, as of right now, takeru is just ready to never see them ever again. which probably won't give mineo a lot of confidence in takeru staying still, but it's honest. ]
I think that whether you regret something does matter. [a bit more firmly] I think you don't put nearly enough thought into whether or not you'll regret a decision before you make it.
[ because whether or not he'll regret it isn't what matters to takeru-- only the results. that's the problem, really. because now he is forced to face the consequences of his actions while surrounded by the people he chose to betray.
fleeing to adonis would be so much easier than any of this. ]
Of course it matters how you feel about something! Where the hell did you get the idea that it doesn't...?! You know you still have to sit with those and live the rest of your life with them, right?
[ well see, if he joined adonis, he is pretty sure he probably would either not live too long after he got his revenge or would have gotten his memory wiped. and he was okay with that.
so. ]
If you're going to dedicate yourself to something, you can't really concentrate on... everything else.
.... for someone so smart, you're such a fucking idiot sometimes.
[but - can he say that he's surprised?]
Then I'm making you think about it! We're going to solve X-Day, right? Get your revenge and then we'll meet in the office and go over the files for April and May.
I do need help, and I am going to rely on you. But I'm going to catch up so quick you won't know what happened, and then we'll deal with Adonis as a whole.
[but he will reach out then to take takeru's hand in one of his own]
And then after that, I'm still going to be counting on you.
[ he looks at their hands, and it's really far from the first time mineo has held him like this. takeru wonders when exactly this has become normal for them? he can't really recall anymore. ]
Do you think that you'll ever regret it? Choosing me.
[without even a second of hesitation. mineo has said for weeks now the same thing - that he chose his loyalties early, and he doesn't expect to ever regret doing so.
he sighs and then - he gave takeru medicine and gathered everything, so he can own up to being a little tired himself. he lets his head fall on the pillow next to takeru but continues to watch him]
But it's my promise that I'll make you regret it even worse next time if you don't choose me.
.... You're not the only one who can get greedy, you know?
before, he would have probably cuddled against mineo, pressing himself as much against him as possible while they're in bed together, regardless if they didn't anything sexual or not.
[ it's the only reason he actually announced his plan of maybe going to america instead of leaving quietly. because, even when he wants to be left alone, there's still that part that doesn't want mineo to let him go.
sometimes, you are very selfish even when you don't have the right to be. ]
[and mineo does let go of takeru's hands - but just for a moment. just so that he can loop his arm around takeru's waist instead, pulling him closer to remove some of the distance between them. some part of it is wanting to make up for all the ways that takeru seems to be pulling away - another part of it really is mineo acting selfishly.
he's gotten far too used to takeru being close enough to touch.]
But I do think you need to feel it for a little while - to face what you've done. Not forever, but you can't keep running, Takeru. [ . . . ] Isn't that what you used to get mad at me for?
[isn't it a little too familiar to watch someone get stuck in a cycle of not facing their problems?
even still - mineo just sighs and speaks softly]
.... but if you still want me, then you still have me, so you don't have to face it all alone.
because takeru has been very adamant that he didn't want mineo following him because of an obligation through partnership. takeru may be jealous and possessive, but at the end of the day, he wants mineo to be somewhere (or with someone) that he will be happy for the longterm.
but... it kind of feels like, now more than ever, he just made their attachment even more firm. and that might not be a good thing. ]
If it's what you want. [ ... ] And not because you feel obligated to babysit me now.
No one could pay me enough money to go through the fucking hassle of babysitting you, asshole.
[wow that was so fast but the sheer idea of having to look after takeru is literally the worst thing. he gets into so much trouble. he's possibly officially the most infuriating person that mineo knows.]
so extreme, but takeru resists only because a few hours ago he attempted to bad end so he figures he probably should not. but the urge is there. ]
I just don't want you to give up your other options for me if it's only because of the partnership. Once we're out of here, and once X-Day is over, you know that technically that'll be over, right?
in truth, he thought that the partnership would actually expire as soon as they walked out of this place, so knowing that takeru was actually going to give them until X-Day is pretty nice too? reassuring, in a way. he thinks he can get away with a few more things if he's still takeru's partner.
but that does mean a deadline still exists.]
... does it have to be? And I really don't know what other options you think I have.
Satoru's got freaky sorcerer stuff and likes Omi-san the most anyway - I'm pretty sure he was just messing with me. Lenore-san doesn't actually know much about me, pretty as she is. I'm hoping Endorsi gets with Queen Medb, and White has something he has to dedicate himself to, too.
[ . . . . ]
Even if I like people, I don't think there's anyone I want more than you.
[but he just pulls takeru a little closer to him at that - ]
Can't we just be together? Even if you won't stay at the office - I don't know what I'll do yet. Hang out with Yanagi-senpai if he wants to go legit detective agency, or go back to Field Ops... Well, I do know I'll probably move out. Or... pick up English and go to America, I guess.
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[ maybe in the future?
but, as of right now, takeru is just ready to never see them ever again. which probably won't give mineo a lot of confidence in takeru staying still, but it's honest. ]
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I think that whether you regret something does matter. [a bit more firmly] I think you don't put nearly enough thought into whether or not you'll regret a decision before you make it.
[isn't that
literally what this is]
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fleeing to adonis would be so much easier than any of this. ]
I don't really care about how I'd feel about it.
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but there sure is an edge to mineo's voice at that.]
What do you mean you don't care?
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if mineo wants him to be honest. ]
It doesn't matter.
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so. ]
If you're going to dedicate yourself to something, you can't really concentrate on... everything else.
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[he frowns some more. it feels like he'd just asked this earlier but - ]
When your wish is granted tomorrow, and you don't have to dedicate yourself to it. Or if you could talk to everyone even once you leave this place.
Are you just going to keep ignoring how you feel about things?
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[ it sounds dismissive, but he means it, honestly. ]
If I'm honest, I didn't really think of what would happen after.
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[but - can he say that he's surprised?]
Then I'm making you think about it! We're going to solve X-Day, right? Get your revenge and then we'll meet in the office and go over the files for April and May.
I'm counting on you, you know?
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I already said I'm solving it. You're already way behind me, so you'll need help.
[ at the very least, in any ending where he doesn't join adonis, he planned to stay long enough to beat them.
it's just... after, that he's unsure of. ]
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[but he will reach out then to take takeru's hand in one of his own]
And then after that, I'm still going to be counting on you.
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Do you think that you'll ever regret it? Choosing me.
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[without even a second of hesitation. mineo has said for weeks now the same thing - that he chose his loyalties early, and he doesn't expect to ever regret doing so.
he sighs and then - he gave takeru medicine and gathered everything, so he can own up to being a little tired himself. he lets his head fall on the pillow next to takeru but continues to watch him]
But it's my promise that I'll make you regret it even worse next time if you don't choose me.
.... You're not the only one who can get greedy, you know?
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before, he would have probably cuddled against mineo, pressing himself as much against him as possible while they're in bed together, regardless if they didn't anything sexual or not.
right now, he just squeezes mineo's hand. ]
You don't have to indulge anymore.
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. . .
maybe that's why it feels even simpler to interlace their fingers then, after takeru squeezes his hand.]
... I know.
[and then - a beat of hesitation, like he's almost afraid of the answer if he asks this question. but he supposes... wouldn't it be better to know?]
Why? Did you change your mind? Do you not like me back anymore now that you don't have to?
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[ it's the only reason he actually announced his plan of maybe going to america instead of leaving quietly. because, even when he wants to be left alone, there's still that part that doesn't want mineo to let him go.
sometimes, you are very selfish even when you don't have the right to be. ]
This might hurt less.
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[and mineo does let go of takeru's hands - but just for a moment. just so that he can loop his arm around takeru's waist instead, pulling him closer to remove some of the distance between them. some part of it is wanting to make up for all the ways that takeru seems to be pulling away - another part of it really is mineo acting selfishly.
he's gotten far too used to takeru being close enough to touch.]
But I do think you need to feel it for a little while - to face what you've done. Not forever, but you can't keep running, Takeru. [ . . . ] Isn't that what you used to get mad at me for?
[isn't it a little too familiar to watch someone get stuck in a cycle of not facing their problems?
even still - mineo just sighs and speaks softly]
.... but if you still want me, then you still have me, so you don't have to face it all alone.
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because takeru has been very adamant that he didn't want mineo following him because of an obligation through partnership. takeru may be jealous and possessive, but at the end of the day, he wants mineo to be somewhere (or with someone) that he will be happy for the longterm.
but... it kind of feels like, now more than ever, he just made their attachment even more firm. and that might not be a good thing. ]
If it's what you want. [ ... ] And not because you feel obligated to babysit me now.
[1/2]
[wow that was so fast but the sheer idea of having to look after takeru is literally the worst thing. he gets into so much trouble. he's possibly officially the most infuriating person that mineo knows.]
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But if you haven't figured out how much I care about you, how much I depend on you, by now....
Then that's my mistake. I really haven't done enough.
Which is frustrating but - that's okay... because I think we finally have time, and I don't plan on giving up.
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so extreme, but takeru resists only because a few hours ago he attempted to bad end so he figures he probably should not. but the urge is there. ]
I just don't want you to give up your other options for me if it's only because of the partnership. Once we're out of here, and once X-Day is over, you know that technically that'll be over, right?
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in truth, he thought that the partnership would actually expire as soon as they walked out of this place, so knowing that takeru was actually going to give them until X-Day is pretty nice too? reassuring, in a way. he thinks he can get away with a few more things if he's still takeru's partner.
but that does mean a deadline still exists.]
... does it have to be? And I really don't know what other options you think I have.
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[ moron.
he doesn't exactly move so that he's closer to mineo, but he does shift so that he can give his arm a light squeeze. ]
... there's nothing else for us to be partners for after that. No matter what, I'm not going to be sticking with the office after.
[ even if he doesn't run away, he'd probably go back to cyber crimes. ]
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[ . . . . ]
Even if I like people, I don't think there's anyone I want more than you.
[but he just pulls takeru a little closer to him at that - ]
Can't we just be together? Even if you won't stay at the office - I don't know what I'll do yet. Hang out with Yanagi-senpai if he wants to go legit detective agency, or go back to Field Ops... Well, I do know I'll probably move out. Or... pick up English and go to America, I guess.
[he won't take it off the table if takeru won't]
Can't we just be partners in life or something?
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