dotcom | mineo

Yeah! So helping you is also helping me.

[just

casually commandeers takeru's argument and makes it his own. shameless and immediately because - he barely cares about other things at this point. he hates this monster, he hates waiting to have their wishes granted possibly by the same monster, he hates... so much. but he also knows that some things are necessities and they mostly revolve around takeru's wellbeing and then his own.

but he'll rest his head on takeru's shoulder as he looks at him]

... choosing to prioritize you isn't something I'm going to say sorry for.

... just wait until Tuesday before doing anything stupid.

[ he knows that it being possible might be a stretch to begin with, but he'd at least want to wait before mineo made an attempt. funny, how he keeps asking him to wait today.

... ]

Just remember that I need you alive.

Mm, I won't.

[though he can't promise he won't explore the possibility. and... it's probably a little silly, how even after a murder trial where takeru went above and beyond to try to keep mineo from even getting suspected, how hearing that he needs him alive makes such a difference to him. there's a little warm pocket in his heart as he presses his face into his shoulder]

.... I'm alive.

[he'll move to take one of takeru's hands again then, letting it to come rest over mineo's heart - still beating]

Still alive.

I never gave you permission for the alternative.

[ it's a little strange to say, knowing that mineo actually died before he came here, and all it will take is a misstep for all of this to have been nothing for him. and it's frightening, every time the topic of whether or not the wishes are a legitimate thing comes up, and takeru finds himself scared for a reason other than himself. ]

Okay?

[ . . . there's - a sort of discomfort there, because mineo really wasn't scared of dying. even now, he feels like he'd accept it more easily now that there's an actual crime to his name. like some things clicked into place for him, and his sense of personal justice.]

.... okay. [he pushes past the discomfort] It's not like I want to die. I've never...

[wanted to rush headfirst into death - even during trial, the reasoning was more 'in the off chance it happens, let it be my name first, so I don't have to die in regret'.]

.... I don't plan on giving up anymore.

[ he truly will murder mineo one day

but he pulls away just so that he can actually look at mineo's face. ]

How are you?

[he can't really help the little bit of a surprise - it's still so recent that takeru will ask after him emotionally that it comes with a little burst of fondness and appreciation when it happens.

but he just huffs a little bit at that, some of his complicated emotions rising up a little again with the question. guilt, uncertainty, gratitude, resignation....]

.... I'll be better tomorrow. Just working through stuff.

More worried about you and everyone who had to deal with... today.

[which was still his fault]

[ he frowns, and just presses again. ]

What are you working through?

[ takeru knows that a million people probably approached mineo to give them their opinions on what occurred. and even if they were messages of support, it still would be a lot to sit through again and again. ]

[ . . . with a resigned - ]

You're not gonna like it. You're gonna call me stupid, and say that I'm overthinking. And I don't even know that you'd be wrong about it?

[he's pouting.]

... Satoru said it - at the end. This isn't really justice, and technically I should be in a jail too because I've killed someone. Even though I'm not a threat to anyone, obviously.... but I'm allowed to walk around and even... encouraged - just because people like me.

[ . . . he closes his eyes and there's just - something even stormier.]

.... I literally got away with murder. I don't regret it, but I still feel guilty - because I am, in the most objective sense of the word.

But it felt... worse, to know how quickly people looked away because it was me.

[ i'm gonna be honest, when mineo mentions gojou the emotion that is coming off of takeru is just the emotional equivalent of an eye roll. ]

Are you kidding me? We spent an entire week where people agreed they did not want Childe around. The only real argument was that people weren't sure when to kill him, and not whether or not we should. When it comes to his death, even though you were the one who did it, everyone is guilty in some way.

[ he's so annoyed, and his anger is flaring up again. ]

Do you not understand how amazing it was that we managed a no vote? It would have been impossible any other week, because we couldn't actually trust that everyone would comply. There was always someone spite voting, or scared of someone else pulling something. Whenever we weren't sure who the killers were or why they were killing, it would be impossible.

But now? We finally managed to hit a point where everyone trusted one another enough to do it. If you asked me a few weeks ago, I would have never thought it was impossible. People didn't look away only because it was you, stupid. It may have made it easier for some, but it was an actual effort of a group of different people who finally came to the same conclusion.

[oof.

mineo listens at least, quietly and - the argument works well enough. the storm of his emotions does calm a little, testament enough to the fact that he can believe in what takeru's saying. it's always easier anyway, to assume in the goodness of others. so he just settles for holding him a little closer even as he pouts some more]

I guess, I just....

[ . . . . no he doesn't have anything actually, he's just whining. there's a little bit of a huff before he nods.]

.... No. I know you're right.

I'm not saying you can't feel torn about it. What happened is something that only you can figure out your own feelings about, even if other people try to help you get there.

[ there's a pause, and he places a hand on mineo's cheek. ]

But the situation this week was something different than the previous ones. For once, it wasn't something that was done sneakily and for someone's own personal gain. And it's not even a case of us doing nothing at all in trial-- they actually did figure out what happened. [ he uh. is not really happy when he says this. he's still so mad. ] And that's what we agreed to do. Figure out what happened. It was up to everyone to choose what to do with that information, and they did.

[there is both an emotional equivalent of a wince and also a real wince about takeru being mad.... he is still so mad.... but it also doesn't stop him from leaning into the touch automatically, turning his face into takeru's palm for a second as if to hide briefly.

though he turns back to meet his eyes again after a moment]

.... yeah. I know if I was on the other side, I'd be saying the same thing. Hell, it's what I'd tell to Vira-san and she was actually there.

[though that's a secret mineo's not about to spill to anyone else. he sighs and presses a brief kiss to takeru's palm]

... you can yell at me more if you need to. I can take it.

[he can still tell takeru is so mad]

If I saw you earlier than now, I would have yelled.

[ he'll just be upfront about it. he's aware he would have lashed out rather badly if he didn't have the time to sit on his feelings for a while ]

There are still other things I'd like to say. But... in the grand scheme of things, I don't think it's worth it at the moment. It's not something we really need.

[a nod of understanding. mineo probably would have yelled back even though he didn't have a right to because he's an idiot and especially combative with takeru. it would've been bad.

but.

there is still some sense of discomfort.]

.... you can say them. [a little bit more nudging] I don't want you to sit on them, and have it fester.

You've always been honest with me, no matter how painful it was. I... don't really want you to stop now?

[not when mineo finally feels like maybe he can actually tackle takeru's criticisms to improve instead of just getting beat up by them and feeling worse]

No, I think I need to consider what's legitimate and what's just petty.

[ he said what his main problems were, at least, so he doesn't really consider anything else as crucial to voice. ]

[ . . . . . a sinking feeling because he imagines the petty list might get pretty long.

but he'll just let his head rest against takeru's shoulder again with a mumble]

Okay.... Sorry, Sasazuka-san....

[ there is just

something about mineo saying that, that makes takeru pause and then turn so that he can actually kiss mineo. ]

[the feeling is: ?????????????????

but of course he kisses back, confused as he might be]

[ when he pulls away, his feelings are... actually, a little conflicted, like he just got caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. ]

Idiot.

[ . . . . the confused feelings get worse hello.

and mineo just tilts his head at that as he pulls takeru closer to him anyway, so there's no space between them]

What's wrong?

[ he buries his face in mineo's chest. ]

Hm?

[he allows it, bringing up a hand to run through takeru's hair automatically but]

.... do you feel guilty about something....?

[he really can't even begin to parse what that emotion was, or why]

I wouldn't say that, no.

Mostly just wondering how strong my resolve is.

[ . . . . ]

What does your resolve have to do with kissing me... Did I do something wrong... Are you that mad....

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