he leans into it automatically enough, ignoring the little pleased flutter he gets from it. though when he pulls away, he does look sheepish.]
.... I'm okay, for the record. Harrow was right - we just need to figure out how we're going to get our wishes even if it's not the initial method. I won't give up.
[he pulls takeru closer to him]
Maybe I understood a little though - why you don't like when I make plans with you, when we don't know if it might work out the way we want for sure yet.
[ that's it, really. the idea of coming up with these grand plans of how to spend time together, without having any idea of they're really possible or not.
[ . . . . he shakes his head quietly at that before letting his forehead rest against takeru's.]
.... I still wish you would. It'd feel a little more like you trust me - trust us to actually figure this out.
Even if I'm nervous... I think I'm going to keep my hopes up for everything. I don't know how to keep going if I don't. I don't have a past I can fall back on - just a future I want.
[ honestly, he kind of wonders how differently things might be if he didn't have a backup plan. because even when things didn't seem certain to work here, he would just think that at least he has a backup at home.
... but mineo doesn't. ]
I don't know about hope. All I know for sure is that I want you to be alive and happy.
[he'll take the kiss, return it, but he seems very serious. the curse makes his words instant, leaving his mouth before he even has a second to consider them]
I'd find small moments to be happy, just 'cause I'm not a gloomy person, but I'd get stuck on a case all over again, but it'd be different because it's yours. It's not a 'miserable until then', it's a 'miserable until I get you back'. Because you're not like Fuji-senpai - you'd be alive, and out there somewhere, and I'd risk everything for you.
I'm stubborn, and I can't give up once I'm set on something.
[ he says this, but he knows it's hypocritical. this whole mess is partly because of takeru's own inability to let go of something he wants more than anything. ]
... I still can't promise you anything. Because I still don't know what I'd do in the situation itself. I can tell you that I'll listen to you, but in the moment itself...
I don't want to lie to you about this specific thing.
[he'll say that first, and - there's just a shake of his head then as he presses a kiss to takeru's forehead.]
.... I know. There's a lot that we can't promise each other. [he's not cursed for this tag - but they have absolutely talked around dating for the past two weeks] And I get that. But....
You're always so quick to turn down a future where we can let things work out - where you actually choose me. You say you don't want to get your hopes up but -
Aren't you just letting yourself down like this instead? Why is this the future we always talk about, when it's not even the one you want either?
[ well, see, all of his answers are still cursed so he has no reason to dance around the subject. wow! ]
I like you. It might be more than like, but all I know is that I want you. And I hate that I might not have you, whether it's because of Adonis or your death or just because you decide you like someone else more than me.
[ he got confessed to a lot.
he kisses mineo on the cheek, something soft and fleeting. ]
But I also know that I would choose revenge over my own feelings, so I might not have you because of my own choices.
this time mineo's going to be the one kissing takeru - once again, he meets the soft and fleeting affection with something firmer, more determined. like it'll help press some imprint of his devotion against takeru's mouth.]
I don't know if 'like' is enough to describe how I feel about you. But it doesn't feel right - because I think I have feelings for someone else too, and it's why I can't promise myself to you until I figure myself out better. It doesn't feel right to have my heart affected by more than one person, even if I'm an idiot. I don't want that.
[mineo isn't built for poly - but he also kisses takeru again]
But you - you have me. You've had me for weeks - even before things got complicated. I decided forever ago that nothing and no one will be more important to me than you, and I don't regret it, and I don't plan on changing my mind.
I don't know if it's possible to want someone more than I want you - I'd be a little scared if it is, because sometimes this feeling is already too overwhelming. But - maybe that's because I'm scared every time we argue about the same thing that you're going to leave, and you can't promise me you won't.
[it's enough to break his heart sometimes - to so badly want someone who might choose to leave you behind.]
[ it's a little funny, to be simultaneously jealous about someone else, but at the same time being kind of relieved that hey, mineo might still have someone else after this. there's a twisted kind of relief at the thought, and he's glad that their emotions are no longer being broadcasted to each other even if the current curse isn't that much better.
but he'll kiss mineo back. it... takes him a moment to respond, actually, because he's kissing him? but when takeru finally pulls away, he'll look at mineo directly. ]
You really are an idiot. [ ... ] I really was hoping you would just end up dating someone else.
[ it genuinely would have been so many things a lot easier to deal with, if mineo was even more partially occupied by another relationship. ]
[ . . . . he shakes his head at that after a moment. the only difference between his cursed and uncursed responses seems to be how easily he can reach for answers.]
.... I wasn't really lying when I said it before, now that I think about it - maybe the cursed version of me was onto something.
[he presses another kiss to takeru's cheek before facing him]
I don't really know what to do with people confessing to me when I have you. When I couldn't promise them any part of me, when I'd already given all of them to you.
[it's a funny realization - that if they get their wishes and takeru doesn't leave for adonis, he might claim all of mineo's attention anyway. and if takeru doesn't get his wish then, there's no way mineo would be able to think of anyone but him.]
Also this is a really horrible place to date. I actually hate how many things we've done out of order.
I think that's just your romanticism that's so caught up in order.
[ but he can't say he's not pleased by mineo's response.
he gives him another kiss, and then pulls back enough so that he can speak. ]
I don't know what happened. You've just been so annoyingly persistent about so many things, to the point where I can't get you out of my head anymore. When I think about what the future might be, and how it can go wrong... I just keep seeing your face.
[ mineo angry, mineo upset... it's just a constant nagging reminder of him. ]
[but he leans into the kiss anyway, even if it's horribly out of order. to think that they kissed first and only weeks later did they get cursed into admitting they like each other. horrible.
. . . still, he can't say the he hates what takeru has to say either. he buries his face in takeru's hair for a bit, but when he speaks, there's a smile he can't quite suppress.]
If I waited for permission, I don't know if I would've gotten anywhere.
[ . . . . ]
You just ending up being someone important to me before I even realized. I was so pissed off at first, when it hit me that I cared about you more than I care about myself. But... I really do. It just got easier to admit over time - how much you mean to me.
[there are some things they'll probably never agree on and this will be one of them. he flinches away at the pinch automatically but - he's held closer afterward, so he leans back in immediately.
it really is a push and pull.
. . . he sighs then.]
I'm not good enough to date anyone right now. It feels lame, and stupid. Sure, I fall for people easily enough, but I recover fast too. I think I got over Endorsi weeks ago.
[rip hets]
But we have so much to do, Takeru. Even if we get both of our wishes, I need to solve my cases. And - you can probably solve yours without any help, but I'll help you as much as you need too. I need to figure out what I can do to avenge Fuji-senpai. We have to reinstate the Firearm and Sword Possession Control Law. [he kisses him again, as if to seal a promise that takeru's goals are mineo's goals] If it's your timeline, I don't know how much we have left until X-Day.
Even if I want to date you [and he does, judging by the way that he automatically kisses his face again] and I want to hold your hand in Shibuya for real, and deliver you donuts as a treat as your boyfriend and not your partner, and everything else...
I'm pissed off at myself that I can't promise anything. You deserve better from me than that.
I think I'd need to help you with yours more than the other way around...
[ it's not even meant to be an insult, takeru just has had a lot of time. he basically already finished a good chunk of his own by now, really, it's just... well, akito, and other complications that are left.
the good news is that, at least takeru solves x-day so quickly in his own route because it means they have time to speedrun mineo's. ]
I'll do everything I can for yours. [ ... ] I do think you're good enough though. But I'm not going to force you into something that you don't want.
[there's just a little bit of a laugh at that - ] Partners, right? [a beat] .... I'll take the help, thanks. I have all the files at the office - it's just about time that I do something with them.
[mineo really is a good officer and investigator - he just never had the courage to move forward. maybe until now. with a swift, near fatal kick in the ass and someone at his side.]
.... I'm not good enough for you though. Even if you think I am - I wouldn't be able to take care of you like this.
[he brings a hand up, lets it rest against takeru's jaw as he lets their foreheads fall closer together again]
It's not about what I want - don't doubt that I want this.
I just want to be someone you can be proud of even more than that. Someone who can face you and give you everything, no hesitation, even after leaving this place. Maybe that's my sense of romanticism...
[ it's weird, because... the progress mineo has made from the time that takeru has met him, and until now-- literally no one would believe takeru if he said it's like looking at two different people. the laziness, the excuses. it's all gone, and it's kind of amazing enough that takeru could point out that mineo is wrong about things.
but he doesn't, because at the same time, he understands what mineo is saying. it's hard to accept that there isn't room for more growth when there's still so many things not finished.
so it's why he just falls silent for a second, listening to the quiet that's only interrupted by the fountain and their breath. ]
Then... once we finish what we have to do, we'll find each other.
[ whether they leave here together and stay, or if takeru runs away. they can try to, eventually, find each other, even if the separation is only for a few seconds or much longer. ]
[ . . . it's so ambiguous and vague that something in mineo wants to rebel against it. even now, he doesn't want to accept a future where takeru leaves him - even for all the number of times that takeru has told him that it's a possibility. if it comes to pass, takeru wouldn't have lied to mineo about the chance that he could be left behind.
but there is something concrete in the statement.
and it is in the fact that takeru would want to see him again too - he would want whatever future they could cobble together, regardless of what else happens here. it manages to make mineo's heart ache and stutter all at once.
but he leans in instead to press their lips together, and emotionshare is over, but mineo hopes that the connection isn't necessary for takeru to feel the warmth and and devotion on his lips. when he speaks, he doesn't pull back far - only murmuring the words against takeru's mouth.]
How else would we make it to Osaka?
[a taunt - but also a promise.]
As soon as the cherry blossoms bloom.
[whether it be the first spring that comes after x-day - or another, further down the line.]
it's, at least, something. the future is far from set in stone for them, and there are so many uncertainties that even planning this much ahead feels like something dangerous to do. but... it feels a little easier, a little safer, to make these plans when he's holding onto mineo.
(it's just when they're apart that he can easily poke the holes into them.)
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he leans into it automatically enough, ignoring the little pleased flutter he gets from it. though when he pulls away, he does look sheepish.]
.... I'm okay, for the record. Harrow was right - we just need to figure out how we're going to get our wishes even if it's not the initial method. I won't give up.
[he pulls takeru closer to him]
Maybe I understood a little though - why you don't like when I make plans with you, when we don't know if it might work out the way we want for sure yet.
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[ that's it, really. the idea of coming up with these grand plans of how to spend time together, without having any idea of they're really possible or not.
it feels like it'll hurt more than anything. ]
I don't want to get my hopes up, Mineo.
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.... I still wish you would. It'd feel a little more like you trust me - trust us to actually figure this out.
Even if I'm nervous... I think I'm going to keep my hopes up for everything. I don't know how to keep going if I don't. I don't have a past I can fall back on - just a future I want.
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... but mineo doesn't. ]
I don't know about hope. All I know for sure is that I want you to be alive and happy.
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and so.]
.... I don't think you'll get the second part, if I follow you and you leave me.
[he'll be alive - but he probably won't really know happiness for a while if takeru takes adonis' deal]
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[ not right away, no. but he thinks mineo would eventually get a life he deserves.
he presses his lips against mineo's again. ]
But you'd probably be miserable until then.
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[he'll take the kiss, return it, but he seems very serious. the curse makes his words instant, leaving his mouth before he even has a second to consider them]
I'd find small moments to be happy, just 'cause I'm not a gloomy person, but I'd get stuck on a case all over again, but it'd be different because it's yours. It's not a 'miserable until then', it's a 'miserable until I get you back'. Because you're not like Fuji-senpai - you'd be alive, and out there somewhere, and I'd risk everything for you.
I'm stubborn, and I can't give up once I'm set on something.
And I'd be entirely set on you.
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[ he says this, but he knows it's hypocritical. this whole mess is partly because of takeru's own inability to let go of something he wants more than anything. ]
... I still can't promise you anything. Because I still don't know what I'd do in the situation itself. I can tell you that I'll listen to you, but in the moment itself...
I don't want to lie to you about this specific thing.
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[he'll say that first, and - there's just a shake of his head then as he presses a kiss to takeru's forehead.]
.... I know. There's a lot that we can't promise each other. [he's not cursed for this tag - but they have absolutely talked around dating for the past two weeks] And I get that. But....
You're always so quick to turn down a future where we can let things work out - where you actually choose me. You say you don't want to get your hopes up but -
Aren't you just letting yourself down like this instead? Why is this the future we always talk about, when it's not even the one you want either?
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I like you. It might be more than like, but all I know is that I want you. And I hate that I might not have you, whether it's because of Adonis or your death or just because you decide you like someone else more than me.
[ he got confessed to a lot.
he kisses mineo on the cheek, something soft and fleeting. ]
But I also know that I would choose revenge over my own feelings, so I might not have you because of my own choices.
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this time mineo's going to be the one kissing takeru - once again, he meets the soft and fleeting affection with something firmer, more determined. like it'll help press some imprint of his devotion against takeru's mouth.]
I don't know if 'like' is enough to describe how I feel about you. But it doesn't feel right - because I think I have feelings for someone else too, and it's why I can't promise myself to you until I figure myself out better. It doesn't feel right to have my heart affected by more than one person, even if I'm an idiot. I don't want that.
[mineo isn't built for poly - but he also kisses takeru again]
But you - you have me. You've had me for weeks - even before things got complicated. I decided forever ago that nothing and no one will be more important to me than you, and I don't regret it, and I don't plan on changing my mind.
I don't know if it's possible to want someone more than I want you - I'd be a little scared if it is, because sometimes this feeling is already too overwhelming. But - maybe that's because I'm scared every time we argue about the same thing that you're going to leave, and you can't promise me you won't.
[it's enough to break his heart sometimes - to so badly want someone who might choose to leave you behind.]
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but he'll kiss mineo back. it... takes him a moment to respond, actually, because he's kissing him? but when takeru finally pulls away, he'll look at mineo directly. ]
You really are an idiot. [ ... ] I really was hoping you would just end up dating someone else.
[ it genuinely would have been so many things a lot easier to deal with, if mineo was even more partially occupied by another relationship. ]
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.... I wasn't really lying when I said it before, now that I think about it - maybe the cursed version of me was onto something.
[he presses another kiss to takeru's cheek before facing him]
I don't really know what to do with people confessing to me when I have you. When I couldn't promise them any part of me, when I'd already given all of them to you.
[it's a funny realization - that if they get their wishes and takeru doesn't leave for adonis, he might claim all of mineo's attention anyway. and if takeru doesn't get his wish then, there's no way mineo would be able to think of anyone but him.]
Also this is a really horrible place to date. I actually hate how many things we've done out of order.
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[ but he can't say he's not pleased by mineo's response.
he gives him another kiss, and then pulls back enough so that he can speak. ]
I don't know what happened. You've just been so annoyingly persistent about so many things, to the point where I can't get you out of my head anymore. When I think about what the future might be, and how it can go wrong... I just keep seeing your face.
[ mineo angry, mineo upset... it's just a constant nagging reminder of him. ]
Who gave you permission to do this to me?
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[but he leans into the kiss anyway, even if it's horribly out of order. to think that they kissed first and only weeks later did they get cursed into admitting they like each other. horrible.
. . . still, he can't say the he hates what takeru has to say either. he buries his face in takeru's hair for a bit, but when he speaks, there's a smile he can't quite suppress.]
If I waited for permission, I don't know if I would've gotten anywhere.
[ . . . . ]
You just ending up being someone important to me before I even realized. I was so pissed off at first, when it hit me that I cared about you more than I care about myself. But... I really do. It just got easier to admit over time - how much you mean to me.
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I'd prefer if you didn't care about me that much. I want you to take care of yourself.
[ another circular argument.
but then his expression softens, and he holds mineo just a little closer. ]
Even if you dated someone else, I'd-- probably be kind of pissed, but in the end I want you to be happy. Even if it annoys me.
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it really is a push and pull.
. . . he sighs then.]
I'm not good enough to date anyone right now. It feels lame, and stupid. Sure, I fall for people easily enough, but I recover fast too. I think I got over Endorsi weeks ago.
[rip hets]
But we have so much to do, Takeru. Even if we get both of our wishes, I need to solve my cases. And - you can probably solve yours without any help, but I'll help you as much as you need too. I need to figure out what I can do to avenge Fuji-senpai. We have to reinstate the Firearm and Sword Possession Control Law. [he kisses him again, as if to seal a promise that takeru's goals are mineo's goals] If it's your timeline, I don't know how much we have left until X-Day.
Even if I want to date you [and he does, judging by the way that he automatically kisses his face again] and I want to hold your hand in Shibuya for real, and deliver you donuts as a treat as your boyfriend and not your partner, and everything else...
I'm pissed off at myself that I can't promise anything. You deserve better from me than that.
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[ it's not even meant to be an insult, takeru just has had a lot of time. he basically already finished a good chunk of his own by now, really, it's just... well, akito, and other complications that are left.
the good news is that, at least takeru solves x-day so quickly in his own route because it means they have time to speedrun mineo's. ]
I'll do everything I can for yours. [ ... ] I do think you're good enough though. But I'm not going to force you into something that you don't want.
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[mineo really is a good officer and investigator - he just never had the courage to move forward. maybe until now. with a swift, near fatal kick in the ass and someone at his side.]
.... I'm not good enough for you though. Even if you think I am - I wouldn't be able to take care of you like this.
[he brings a hand up, lets it rest against takeru's jaw as he lets their foreheads fall closer together again]
It's not about what I want - don't doubt that I want this.
I just want to be someone you can be proud of even more than that. Someone who can face you and give you everything, no hesitation, even after leaving this place. Maybe that's my sense of romanticism...
But I want to be able to love you properly.
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but he doesn't, because at the same time, he understands what mineo is saying. it's hard to accept that there isn't room for more growth when there's still so many things not finished.
so it's why he just falls silent for a second, listening to the quiet that's only interrupted by the fountain and their breath. ]
Then... once we finish what we have to do, we'll find each other.
[ whether they leave here together and stay, or if takeru runs away. they can try to, eventually, find each other, even if the separation is only for a few seconds or much longer. ]
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but there is something concrete in the statement.
and it is in the fact that takeru would want to see him again too - he would want whatever future they could cobble together, regardless of what else happens here. it manages to make mineo's heart ache and stutter all at once.
but he leans in instead to press their lips together, and emotionshare is over, but mineo hopes that the connection isn't necessary for takeru to feel the warmth and and devotion on his lips. when he speaks, he doesn't pull back far - only murmuring the words against takeru's mouth.]
How else would we make it to Osaka?
[a taunt - but also a promise.]
As soon as the cherry blossoms bloom.
[whether it be the first spring that comes after x-day - or another, further down the line.]
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[ whenever that may be.
it's, at least, something. the future is far from set in stone for them, and there are so many uncertainties that even planning this much ahead feels like something dangerous to do. but... it feels a little easier, a little safer, to make these plans when he's holding onto mineo.
(it's just when they're apart that he can easily poke the holes into them.)
but he just kisses mineo again. ]
You barricaded us in.
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[he says, responding to the kiss easily enough and claiming another one after out of habit]
Do you want to head out? I can move the stuff...
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[ it'll be awkward if someone tries to come in but can't? ]
People might want to check in on you after that.
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