it feels kind of shitty, to even attempt to pursue something with ichika after what he did, even ignoring mineo's role in this whole situation. he doesn't really have any right to chase after a future that he so readily threw away.
he turns so that he can kiss mineo properly instead. ]
[ . . . . what an odd thing. maybe no one here managed to get through to takeru, but to think that takeru had feelings for ichika and still, despite the fact that they've mutually agreed that she's much cuter - takeru still wants him?
he leans into the kiss easily enough, but something close to guilt still sits in his stomach. they have so much they need to figure out.]
Okay. I just... I'd get it, if you wanted anyone else, too. Things are complicated for us but -
I really do want you to be happy more than anything else.
he's frowning immediately at that and giving takeru another kiss!!!!]
Don't ask a question like that?! I'd never break up with you if we were dating! If anything this partnership is more like a constant demonstration that you'll always leave me first!
I've never even had a talk when you start dating someone, what makes you think I know anything about how to say when I don't want to be dating someone anymore.... Not that we are...
Even if people like me... it's not like they actually wanted anything from me. Passing crushes happen even if I didn't expect them to happen to me at all.
I can't abandon home, or you. There's too much that I need to accomplish in our world - even if it's not my timeline. And I can't ask White to leave his home behind either? His reasons are... actually pretty similar to mine.
[if takeru was willing to talk about ichika, then mineo can say this much. just moves press closer to takeru anyway]
I don't think that's going to work out, regardless of feelings.
he listens to it, wondering how to feel about it. he really doesn't know white at all, so he can't remotely guess how things are like between the two of them, besides what he's seen in public.
... well. they seem close, from those glimpses. ]
Maybe you can figure out something to work that out.
[ . . . . he seems thoughtful about that for a second, before he just shakes his head and pulls takeru in again for a kiss.]
.... it's part of why I don't think I'm good enough for you right now. I don't think... I'm good enough for anyone, until I figure this out. I don't want to have a heart that's conflicted, or unsure.
I'd get it though, if you don't want to bother waiting for me to decide I've reached a point where I can more confidently give my heart away.
it's really hard to say. since here, he's at least pretty confident he won't date anyone since he really hasn't opened himself up enough to another person, but also, literally no one else has expressed any interest in him. it's difficult to date when there's no one to date.
and ichika... takeru doesn't think his guilt would allow it. he shut the door on that future the second he chose adonis over her. even now, he'd still do it again. ]
I think at this point it's mostly just up to you, Mineo.
[that is far too much responsibility and choice for an idiot who was a virgin when he arrived because literally none of his romantic prospects worked out in the slightest?
but - it's still nothing he can decide now. still, there's an aggravated quality to his sigh as he just presses his face into takeru's hair, selfishly holding him as close as he can as if he doesn't want to let him go. he worries about his own greed, his own inability to decide. he knows that he will make a choice or have it made for him shortly.]
... I'm sorry. I really can't promise anything until I figure myself out better. And I don't want to do anything to get in the way of you being happy. [sincerely happy, not 'revenge satisfied but still stuck with terrorists' happy]
But I'll try not to keep you waiting long - and I won't be surprised if you move on before I figure it out.
[if takeru finds someone else, or if he decides to try again with ichika after all.]
No matter how much I want you - I want to do right by you more than anything else. Loving you half-heartedly would be unforgivable.
[welcome to the enomoto mineo art of shooting yourself in the foot.
but he just looks unhappy at this point, shoulders slumping a little bit.]
... okay. I'm sorry I'm a mess.
[he really was not joking about being pretty sure he wasn't good enough for takeru and this is such a big reason why. sometimes you work yourself into a tangle trying to hold onto your own ideals, as usual]
I don't like that you're unhappy at all, and I wish I could make it better.
[the curse slams into him before he can really hesitate or try to be accommodating, but he'll settle for pouting.]
... okay. We can go - I know I harassed you a lot already. [even if he's still so obviously uncomfortable with leaving things like this] ... You really are my most important person, you know?
[maybe he can just say that much - and give takeru another kiss - before shifting so that they can get up]
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[ it...
it feels kind of shitty, to even attempt to pursue something with ichika after what he did, even ignoring mineo's role in this whole situation. he doesn't really have any right to chase after a future that he so readily threw away.
he turns so that he can kiss mineo properly instead. ]
I'll figure out the rest.
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he leans into the kiss easily enough, but something close to guilt still sits in his stomach. they have so much they need to figure out.]
Okay. I just... I'd get it, if you wanted anyone else, too. Things are complicated for us but -
I really do want you to be happy more than anything else.
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[ it's muttered, but also, takeru has said this to mineo before in several different ways. ]
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he's frowning immediately at that and giving takeru another kiss!!!!]
Don't ask a question like that?! I'd never break up with you if we were dating! If anything this partnership is more like a constant demonstration that you'll always leave me first!
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[ he kisses him. again. ]
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I've never even had a talk when you start dating someone, what makes you think I know anything about how to say when I don't want to be dating someone anymore.... Not that we are...
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[ ... ]
I think you probably have more options for dating other people.
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Even if people like me... it's not like they actually wanted anything from me. Passing crushes happen even if I didn't expect them to happen to me at all.
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But there's someone you have serious feelings for, so you can.
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I can't abandon home, or you. There's too much that I need to accomplish in our world - even if it's not my timeline. And I can't ask White to leave his home behind either? His reasons are... actually pretty similar to mine.
[if takeru was willing to talk about ichika, then mineo can say this much. just moves press closer to takeru anyway]
I don't think that's going to work out, regardless of feelings.
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he listens to it, wondering how to feel about it. he really doesn't know white at all, so he can't remotely guess how things are like between the two of them, besides what he's seen in public.
... well. they seem close, from those glimpses. ]
Maybe you can figure out something to work that out.
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[ he kisses his wrist. ]
I just wouldn't get in your way, even if I'd be mad.
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.... it's part of why I don't think I'm good enough for you right now. I don't think... I'm good enough for anyone, until I figure this out. I don't want to have a heart that's conflicted, or unsure.
I'd get it though, if you don't want to bother waiting for me to decide I've reached a point where I can more confidently give my heart away.
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it's really hard to say. since here, he's at least pretty confident he won't date anyone since he really hasn't opened himself up enough to another person, but also, literally no one else has expressed any interest in him. it's difficult to date when there's no one to date.
and ichika... takeru doesn't think his guilt would allow it. he shut the door on that future the second he chose adonis over her. even now, he'd still do it again. ]
I think at this point it's mostly just up to you, Mineo.
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but - it's still nothing he can decide now. still, there's an aggravated quality to his sigh as he just presses his face into takeru's hair, selfishly holding him as close as he can as if he doesn't want to let him go. he worries about his own greed, his own inability to decide. he knows that he will make a choice or have it made for him shortly.]
... I'm sorry. I really can't promise anything until I figure myself out better. And I don't want to do anything to get in the way of you being happy. [sincerely happy, not 'revenge satisfied but still stuck with terrorists' happy]
But I'll try not to keep you waiting long - and I won't be surprised if you move on before I figure it out.
[if takeru finds someone else, or if he decides to try again with ichika after all.]
No matter how much I want you - I want to do right by you more than anything else. Loving you half-heartedly would be unforgivable.
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so he just nods his head, mentally preparing himself to be dumped before even dating him. it's fine. ]
Just let me know when you figure it out, Mineo. Even if it's something I don't want to hear.
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but he just looks unhappy at this point, shoulders slumping a little bit.]
... okay. I'm sorry I'm a mess.
[he really was not joking about being pretty sure he wasn't good enough for takeru and this is such a big reason why. sometimes you work yourself into a tangle trying to hold onto your own ideals, as usual]
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We should go. Someone else might want to use the spa.
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Are you unhappy with me?
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[ it's not quite that. ]
But I do think I'm done with this level of emotional honesty for the day.
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[the curse slams into him before he can really hesitate or try to be accommodating, but he'll settle for pouting.]
... okay. We can go - I know I harassed you a lot already. [even if he's still so obviously uncomfortable with leaving things like this] ... You really are my most important person, you know?
[maybe he can just say that much - and give takeru another kiss - before shifting so that they can get up]
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he is. trying not to have a conversation so that more does not get said. ]
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he's so upset and cursed he's just mumbling to himself]
The silent treatment is so painful. Way to go, Enomoto....
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once they reach the barricaded door, though, he'll give mineo another kiss. ]
Get us out.
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