.... if you end up not being in here, text me? I'll go with you both.
[he'll get too worried about takeru otherwise. he's rude as hell but that's still his emotional support goblin who provides no actual emotional support]
Knowing Grace, we're more likely to be here than not.
[ and he isn't really sure what to think about mineo hovering.
it's been a pretty unfair exchange so far. it feels like takeru has been attacked again, and again, and mineo is always just there to see it happen. takeru has spent so long making sure that people wouldn't see these cracks, so for this to keep happening?
completely unfair.
there's nothing worse than showing vulnerability when the other party has shown none so far. ]
[ . . . sometimes the only way that you know how to not lose something is to keep it in front of you at all times.
but he at least recognizes that it probably comes off as overprotective. even if he has reason to be worried when people are literally dying and takeru's a noncombatant...]
... I'll trust you then. [to be okay.] I'll head out and get clues if it happens again.
[ We haven’t made any progress with video analysis.
Hey. Enomoto, you look - ….. shit.
Enomoto, have you slept? Eaten? It’s been days, man, just—
Give it up, Enomoto, those guys are probably already dead.
If it’s really Adonis, then we’re probably too late.
Their words echo through your ears as you approach an abandoned warehouse. You hear the apathy in their voices, the mocking. They’ve already given up on ever finding their missing comrades. But you don’t listen. You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, you don’t stop looking until -
Until the smell of blood hits you as soon as you throw open the door.
The room spills out in front of you. Slumped against the wall, there is one man.
The one you’ve been looking for.
You barely recall protocol - you call your superior, you give an address and nothing more - and you approach the man you admired. Yuuta Fuji. Your idol left to rot in the outskirts of Shinjuku five days after he was killed on video.
You’ve never felt hatred like this before. You’ve never wanted someone dead before. The job is dangerous and sometimes people get hurt but you’ve always been willing to be the person to put your neck on the line for somebody else, even a stranger.
Right now, face to face with the bloody corpse of someone you treasured, all you want is to hurt somebody else the way that you’re hurting now. To take their greatest source of admiration and shoot it down.
A voice (25:18 - 26:14) cuts through after you’ve been standing there for who knows how long. He gives you orders. You know you have to follow them. Set up a perimeter, gather evidence, solve the case like you’ve solved so many before. This is your job.
But as one tear rolls down your cheek without permission, you know something else -
[ - and he's almost dizzy with it, the suddenness. the irony of talking about the inevitability of murder and the memory of mineo finding the corpse of his mentor and friend. it's the juxtaposition of just recalling his own death earlier in the day and - this.
[ it's interesting, because of course takeru knows who that is. it's impossible to not memorize the faces of everyone involved in the cases, from suspect to victim. but it's another thing entirely to actually see it from this side.
takeru isn't personally involved with the cases themselves. it's nothing remotely personal, except for the lifting of a certain law. but even then, it's not the same as this.
[ . . . . the name almost makes mineo flinch even though it's the one he's been chasing after this long. he closes his eyes and he doesn't sit - but he does lean against the wall. his hands are clenched into fists before he realizes it and - he flexes his fingers tentatively if only to keep his nails from digging into his palms.]
.... yeah.
[a tired, aching confirmation even if takeru already knows it.]
I told you that someone I knew was involved in the April and May incidents, right? [and fuji was the only body found on the scene - which mineo discovered.] ... it was Fuji-senpai.
... well it's a pretty sad day for the police if just one guy working for five days straight can do what a team of analysts and investigators can't crack.
[and there's - a sense of spite there, if only for every person who told him to give up. the idea of leaving someone behind doesn't sit right with him. and he crosses his arms if only to have his fingers dig into the fabric of his own sleeves.
there's a sense of self-deprecation too - like he wonders how much they could've moved faster if anyone cared even just a little bit more]
[ it's back to the original dilemma of him being curious, but also not wanting to pry when he's still refusing to say much himself. but why does adonis blame mineo for what happened here...?
[and it takes him a little while longer to respond, as if remembering his spiral afterward. the descent that led him to that dark place he was in when he met takeru in the first place.]
.... I spent a while after working on the case. I couldn't really think of anything else. I didn't even wait for clearance from my supervisor or the rest of Field Ops - I just... did it on my own.
[it's odd - to remember being that passionate and that dedicated to something. even if mineo works hard here, so far it hasn't been personal. it hasn't been done in the name of 'justice' or what's 'right'.
he still doesn't really know what those words mean.]
.... I actually thought I would be able to clear Fuji-senpai's name.
takeru continues to sit at his spot on the couch, quietly watching mineo. their reasoning for being here really is so different, but at the same time, he does understand. the desperation of wanting to set things right, whatever that means to you. the disappointment when the system fails you.
he turns his attention to his water to take another drink. it's mostly so that he won't be obviously looking at the other man. ]
I'm starting to think you might not even remember saying this to me. [because even he knows their things are starting to not line up] But... you scolded me before I...
But I know you were mad at me - because I'd say I wanted to solve the case, and never got any closer to doing it. I'd make excuses and act like I was doing something when I... just wasn't. You said something about how it didn't matter because I wouldn't listen to you or anyone so long as I was stuck in a rut.
[and it stung but he couldn't fight back or argue. because it was right.]
... but I didn't know what to do, then. When the person I admired and treasured ended up being a dirty cop. When he embodied justice to me - but ended up hurting a bunch of people for stupid, careless reasons.
I couldn't forgive the person who killed him, but I know he wasn't a saint either. Even if to me, he was my hero... he was judged as evil. It just felt like I wasn't going anywhere.
[ he doesn't answer the not remembering thing, since honestly that's probably a conversation for another time. today has already been exhausting enough without getting into messed up timelines.
takeru listens to the whole thing, and it really is funny just how much the word justice can have so many different meanings. it's really not a surprise, how they all ended up together in the agency, even if their motivations didn't quite line up. ]
You know, even if everything he told you was a lie... what your sense of justice is isn't the same as his. Even if he inspired you, you're still a person separate from him. A person cannot be guilty of their hero's sins.
[ . . . there is a little bit more to it but - mineo also recognizes that if he spills it all here, he won't have anything to trade takeru later. and if takeru is willing to talk later, then. he has to hold out for that. but even holding back this much feels dishonest, even if he just plans on saying it later.
maybe it's because of this pure sense of responsibility that he struggled so much in the first place, like he couldn't parse his own feelings.]
.... I don't really know what my sense of justice is anymore, Takeru. Even now. I don't... really believe in calling things right or wrong anymore, or if I even get to do that. Especially the longer we're here.
[it used to be easy to believe in absolutes - that's where his confidence came from. helping people was good, so he did it. but even now he recognizes he's helping takeru with his goal of trying to kill somebody - is that still good?
.... and how much does he still have the capacity to care about an existential topic like that?]
.... but I'm trying not to be stuck in the same place anymore, or be dead weight again.
[and he thinks he's done that - he's been working hard since he got here. but there's still this sense of.... being lost that he hasn't quite been able to shake. uncertainty and doubt. he's just gotten better at pushing it aside as he tries to unpack it.]
[ this must be a fun place for him to be in then, when he's already unsure about all of this. there's nothing quite like indulging and doing trial to make you question your morals.
but he'll stand up, stretch, and walk over to mineo. he lifts up his bottle of water and bumps it against mineo's cheek-- it's still a little cold. ]
I can't really give you an answer on any of this. So, just keep moving forward, and we'll see where we end up.
But you don't have to follow after me if you ever think I'm moving too far in a direction that you can't go.
[the bump of the water bottle manages to surprise him and gets him to blink - he meets takeru's eyes and pauses for just a moment before he offers up - ]
... I'm not following you.
[he's not following anyone ever again - he's not making them his goal post, his guiding light, or any of that. some people, once they've earned his respect and he thinks they know better - they get to tell mineo what to do. takeru's one of those people, but that's still not the same. he doesn't want to be blind to the people he cares about.]
[ - but it's obviously just an attempt to steer things a little bit more back to normal. a tiny bit less serious. when mineo smiles a moment after, it's sincere but lacks the usual careless, blinding light to it.]
I'll - figure out my answers. I don't expect you or anyone else to give them to me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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So you can be straightforwardly nice....
To other people....
[he didn't need to say it out loud]
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[ he has looped back around to being agitated. ]
[1/2]
[TAKERU IS SO MEAN TO HIM]
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.... if you end up not being in here, text me? I'll go with you both.
[he'll get too worried about takeru otherwise. he's rude as hell but that's still his emotional support goblin who provides no actual emotional support]
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[ and he isn't really sure what to think about mineo hovering.
it's been a pretty unfair exchange so far. it feels like takeru has been attacked again, and again, and mineo is always just there to see it happen. takeru has spent so long making sure that people wouldn't see these cracks, so for this to keep happening?
completely unfair.
there's nothing worse than showing vulnerability when the other party has shown none so far. ]
I'll manage.
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[ . . . sometimes the only way that you know how to not lose something is to keep it in front of you at all times.
but he at least recognizes that it probably comes off as overprotective. even if he has reason to be worried when people are literally dying and takeru's a noncombatant...]
... I'll trust you then. [to be okay.] I'll head out and get clues if it happens again.
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[ even if the grell case was self-defense, that still leaves another murder that likely was not. ]
You can't be distracted by other people.
[1/3]
... I won't. I'll be careful, and report back Friday morning.
[and because takeru deserves to see mineo at his fucking worst before his body shows up on friday, it's time for another memory]
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Hey. Enomoto, you look - ….. shit.
Enomoto, have you slept? Eaten? It’s been days, man, just—
Give it up, Enomoto, those guys are probably already dead.
If it’s really Adonis, then we’re probably too late.
Their words echo through your ears as you approach an abandoned warehouse. You hear the apathy in their voices, the mocking. They’ve already given up on ever finding their missing comrades. But you don’t listen. You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, you don’t stop looking until -
Until the smell of blood hits you as soon as you throw open the door.
The room spills out in front of you. Slumped against the wall, there is one man.
The one you’ve been looking for.
You barely recall protocol - you call your superior, you give an address and nothing more - and you approach the man you admired. Yuuta Fuji. Your idol left to rot in the outskirts of Shinjuku five days after he was killed on video.
You’ve never felt hatred like this before. You’ve never wanted someone dead before. The job is dangerous and sometimes people get hurt but you’ve always been willing to be the person to put your neck on the line for somebody else, even a stranger.
Right now, face to face with the bloody corpse of someone you treasured, all you want is to hurt somebody else the way that you’re hurting now. To take their greatest source of admiration and shoot it down.
A voice (25:18 - 26:14) cuts through after you’ve been standing there for who knows how long. He gives you orders. You know you have to follow them. Set up a perimeter, gather evidence, solve the case like you’ve solved so many before. This is your job.
But as one tear rolls down your cheek without permission, you know something else -
This is personal. ]
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he drops the water bottle he was holding onto.]
.... fuck.
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takeru isn't personally involved with the cases themselves. it's nothing remotely personal, except for the lifting of a certain law. but even then, it's not the same as this.
he doesn't say anything right away. ]
Yuuta Fuji.
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.... yeah.
[a tired, aching confirmation even if takeru already knows it.]
I told you that someone I knew was involved in the April and May incidents, right? [and fuji was the only body found on the scene - which mineo discovered.] ... it was Fuji-senpai.
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he thinks on this new bit of information, and adds it with the other pieces of what he now realizes is a puzzle. ]
And you found him.
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[and there's - a sense of spite there, if only for every person who told him to give up. the idea of leaving someone behind doesn't sit right with him. and he crosses his arms if only to have his fingers dig into the fabric of his own sleeves.
there's a sense of self-deprecation too - like he wonders how much they could've moved faster if anyone cared even just a little bit more]
But someone had to.
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[ it's back to the original dilemma of him being curious, but also not wanting to pry when he's still refusing to say much himself. but why does adonis blame mineo for what happened here...?
it's not something he'll ask yet. ]
Is that why you quit?
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No.
[and it takes him a little while longer to respond, as if remembering his spiral afterward. the descent that led him to that dark place he was in when he met takeru in the first place.]
.... I spent a while after working on the case. I couldn't really think of anything else. I didn't even wait for clearance from my supervisor or the rest of Field Ops - I just... did it on my own.
[it's odd - to remember being that passionate and that dedicated to something. even if mineo works hard here, so far it hasn't been personal. it hasn't been done in the name of 'justice' or what's 'right'.
he still doesn't really know what those words mean.]
.... I actually thought I would be able to clear Fuji-senpai's name.
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takeru continues to sit at his spot on the couch, quietly watching mineo. their reasoning for being here really is so different, but at the same time, he does understand. the desperation of wanting to set things right, whatever that means to you. the disappointment when the system fails you.
he turns his attention to his water to take another drink. it's mostly so that he won't be obviously looking at the other man. ]
And that didn't happen.
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I'm starting to think you might not even remember saying this to me. [because even he knows their things are starting to not line up] But... you scolded me before I...
But I know you were mad at me - because I'd say I wanted to solve the case, and never got any closer to doing it. I'd make excuses and act like I was doing something when I... just wasn't. You said something about how it didn't matter because I wouldn't listen to you or anyone so long as I was stuck in a rut.
[and it stung but he couldn't fight back or argue. because it was right.]
... but I didn't know what to do, then. When the person I admired and treasured ended up being a dirty cop. When he embodied justice to me - but ended up hurting a bunch of people for stupid, careless reasons.
I couldn't forgive the person who killed him, but I know he wasn't a saint either. Even if to me, he was my hero... he was judged as evil. It just felt like I wasn't going anywhere.
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takeru listens to the whole thing, and it really is funny just how much the word justice can have so many different meanings. it's really not a surprise, how they all ended up together in the agency, even if their motivations didn't quite line up. ]
You know, even if everything he told you was a lie... what your sense of justice is isn't the same as his. Even if he inspired you, you're still a person separate from him. A person cannot be guilty of their hero's sins.
[ no matter what adonis says. ]
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maybe it's because of this pure sense of responsibility that he struggled so much in the first place, like he couldn't parse his own feelings.]
.... I don't really know what my sense of justice is anymore, Takeru. Even now. I don't... really believe in calling things right or wrong anymore, or if I even get to do that. Especially the longer we're here.
[it used to be easy to believe in absolutes - that's where his confidence came from. helping people was good, so he did it. but even now he recognizes he's helping takeru with his goal of trying to kill somebody - is that still good?
.... and how much does he still have the capacity to care about an existential topic like that?]
.... but I'm trying not to be stuck in the same place anymore, or be dead weight again.
[and he thinks he's done that - he's been working hard since he got here. but there's still this sense of.... being lost that he hasn't quite been able to shake. uncertainty and doubt. he's just gotten better at pushing it aside as he tries to unpack it.]
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but he'll stand up, stretch, and walk over to mineo. he lifts up his bottle of water and bumps it against mineo's cheek-- it's still a little cold. ]
I can't really give you an answer on any of this. So, just keep moving forward, and we'll see where we end up.
But you don't have to follow after me if you ever think I'm moving too far in a direction that you can't go.
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... I'm not following you.
[he's not following anyone ever again - he's not making them his goal post, his guiding light, or any of that. some people, once they've earned his respect and he thinks they know better - they get to tell mineo what to do. takeru's one of those people, but that's still not the same. he doesn't want to be blind to the people he cares about.]
But I'm not leaving you alone either.
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...
takeru will just offer a shrug. ]
Fine.
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[ - but it's obviously just an attempt to steer things a little bit more back to normal. a tiny bit less serious. when mineo smiles a moment after, it's sincere but lacks the usual careless, blinding light to it.]
I'll - figure out my answers. I don't expect you or anyone else to give them to me.
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[ he can only offer advice, and even then he's not entirely sure if his current position means he has that right.
he'll lower his arm. ]
Just don't run into things so blindly here. You're an easy choice for indulging, so don't die and make it more complicated for me.
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