... well it's a pretty sad day for the police if just one guy working for five days straight can do what a team of analysts and investigators can't crack.
[and there's - a sense of spite there, if only for every person who told him to give up. the idea of leaving someone behind doesn't sit right with him. and he crosses his arms if only to have his fingers dig into the fabric of his own sleeves.
there's a sense of self-deprecation too - like he wonders how much they could've moved faster if anyone cared even just a little bit more]
[ it's back to the original dilemma of him being curious, but also not wanting to pry when he's still refusing to say much himself. but why does adonis blame mineo for what happened here...?
[and it takes him a little while longer to respond, as if remembering his spiral afterward. the descent that led him to that dark place he was in when he met takeru in the first place.]
.... I spent a while after working on the case. I couldn't really think of anything else. I didn't even wait for clearance from my supervisor or the rest of Field Ops - I just... did it on my own.
[it's odd - to remember being that passionate and that dedicated to something. even if mineo works hard here, so far it hasn't been personal. it hasn't been done in the name of 'justice' or what's 'right'.
he still doesn't really know what those words mean.]
.... I actually thought I would be able to clear Fuji-senpai's name.
takeru continues to sit at his spot on the couch, quietly watching mineo. their reasoning for being here really is so different, but at the same time, he does understand. the desperation of wanting to set things right, whatever that means to you. the disappointment when the system fails you.
he turns his attention to his water to take another drink. it's mostly so that he won't be obviously looking at the other man. ]
I'm starting to think you might not even remember saying this to me. [because even he knows their things are starting to not line up] But... you scolded me before I...
But I know you were mad at me - because I'd say I wanted to solve the case, and never got any closer to doing it. I'd make excuses and act like I was doing something when I... just wasn't. You said something about how it didn't matter because I wouldn't listen to you or anyone so long as I was stuck in a rut.
[and it stung but he couldn't fight back or argue. because it was right.]
... but I didn't know what to do, then. When the person I admired and treasured ended up being a dirty cop. When he embodied justice to me - but ended up hurting a bunch of people for stupid, careless reasons.
I couldn't forgive the person who killed him, but I know he wasn't a saint either. Even if to me, he was my hero... he was judged as evil. It just felt like I wasn't going anywhere.
[ he doesn't answer the not remembering thing, since honestly that's probably a conversation for another time. today has already been exhausting enough without getting into messed up timelines.
takeru listens to the whole thing, and it really is funny just how much the word justice can have so many different meanings. it's really not a surprise, how they all ended up together in the agency, even if their motivations didn't quite line up. ]
You know, even if everything he told you was a lie... what your sense of justice is isn't the same as his. Even if he inspired you, you're still a person separate from him. A person cannot be guilty of their hero's sins.
[ . . . there is a little bit more to it but - mineo also recognizes that if he spills it all here, he won't have anything to trade takeru later. and if takeru is willing to talk later, then. he has to hold out for that. but even holding back this much feels dishonest, even if he just plans on saying it later.
maybe it's because of this pure sense of responsibility that he struggled so much in the first place, like he couldn't parse his own feelings.]
.... I don't really know what my sense of justice is anymore, Takeru. Even now. I don't... really believe in calling things right or wrong anymore, or if I even get to do that. Especially the longer we're here.
[it used to be easy to believe in absolutes - that's where his confidence came from. helping people was good, so he did it. but even now he recognizes he's helping takeru with his goal of trying to kill somebody - is that still good?
.... and how much does he still have the capacity to care about an existential topic like that?]
.... but I'm trying not to be stuck in the same place anymore, or be dead weight again.
[and he thinks he's done that - he's been working hard since he got here. but there's still this sense of.... being lost that he hasn't quite been able to shake. uncertainty and doubt. he's just gotten better at pushing it aside as he tries to unpack it.]
[ this must be a fun place for him to be in then, when he's already unsure about all of this. there's nothing quite like indulging and doing trial to make you question your morals.
but he'll stand up, stretch, and walk over to mineo. he lifts up his bottle of water and bumps it against mineo's cheek-- it's still a little cold. ]
I can't really give you an answer on any of this. So, just keep moving forward, and we'll see where we end up.
But you don't have to follow after me if you ever think I'm moving too far in a direction that you can't go.
[the bump of the water bottle manages to surprise him and gets him to blink - he meets takeru's eyes and pauses for just a moment before he offers up - ]
... I'm not following you.
[he's not following anyone ever again - he's not making them his goal post, his guiding light, or any of that. some people, once they've earned his respect and he thinks they know better - they get to tell mineo what to do. takeru's one of those people, but that's still not the same. he doesn't want to be blind to the people he cares about.]
[ - but it's obviously just an attempt to steer things a little bit more back to normal. a tiny bit less serious. when mineo smiles a moment after, it's sincere but lacks the usual careless, blinding light to it.]
I'll - figure out my answers. I don't expect you or anyone else to give them to me.
.... I know your wish means a lot to you, if it's why you came here. And I'll help you, for as long as we're here.
[he pauses for a second before tilting his head]
But I care about you going home even more than that. And then once we're back - ... I'll help you figure it out there too, okay? Whatever you can live with.
[even if he can't exactly say he'll help with a murder plot - even now, he doesn't know if he likes it but. he did say he wouldn't leave takeru alone.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[and there's - a sense of spite there, if only for every person who told him to give up. the idea of leaving someone behind doesn't sit right with him. and he crosses his arms if only to have his fingers dig into the fabric of his own sleeves.
there's a sense of self-deprecation too - like he wonders how much they could've moved faster if anyone cared even just a little bit more]
But someone had to.
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[ it's back to the original dilemma of him being curious, but also not wanting to pry when he's still refusing to say much himself. but why does adonis blame mineo for what happened here...?
it's not something he'll ask yet. ]
Is that why you quit?
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No.
[and it takes him a little while longer to respond, as if remembering his spiral afterward. the descent that led him to that dark place he was in when he met takeru in the first place.]
.... I spent a while after working on the case. I couldn't really think of anything else. I didn't even wait for clearance from my supervisor or the rest of Field Ops - I just... did it on my own.
[it's odd - to remember being that passionate and that dedicated to something. even if mineo works hard here, so far it hasn't been personal. it hasn't been done in the name of 'justice' or what's 'right'.
he still doesn't really know what those words mean.]
.... I actually thought I would be able to clear Fuji-senpai's name.
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takeru continues to sit at his spot on the couch, quietly watching mineo. their reasoning for being here really is so different, but at the same time, he does understand. the desperation of wanting to set things right, whatever that means to you. the disappointment when the system fails you.
he turns his attention to his water to take another drink. it's mostly so that he won't be obviously looking at the other man. ]
And that didn't happen.
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I'm starting to think you might not even remember saying this to me. [because even he knows their things are starting to not line up] But... you scolded me before I...
But I know you were mad at me - because I'd say I wanted to solve the case, and never got any closer to doing it. I'd make excuses and act like I was doing something when I... just wasn't. You said something about how it didn't matter because I wouldn't listen to you or anyone so long as I was stuck in a rut.
[and it stung but he couldn't fight back or argue. because it was right.]
... but I didn't know what to do, then. When the person I admired and treasured ended up being a dirty cop. When he embodied justice to me - but ended up hurting a bunch of people for stupid, careless reasons.
I couldn't forgive the person who killed him, but I know he wasn't a saint either. Even if to me, he was my hero... he was judged as evil. It just felt like I wasn't going anywhere.
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takeru listens to the whole thing, and it really is funny just how much the word justice can have so many different meanings. it's really not a surprise, how they all ended up together in the agency, even if their motivations didn't quite line up. ]
You know, even if everything he told you was a lie... what your sense of justice is isn't the same as his. Even if he inspired you, you're still a person separate from him. A person cannot be guilty of their hero's sins.
[ no matter what adonis says. ]
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maybe it's because of this pure sense of responsibility that he struggled so much in the first place, like he couldn't parse his own feelings.]
.... I don't really know what my sense of justice is anymore, Takeru. Even now. I don't... really believe in calling things right or wrong anymore, or if I even get to do that. Especially the longer we're here.
[it used to be easy to believe in absolutes - that's where his confidence came from. helping people was good, so he did it. but even now he recognizes he's helping takeru with his goal of trying to kill somebody - is that still good?
.... and how much does he still have the capacity to care about an existential topic like that?]
.... but I'm trying not to be stuck in the same place anymore, or be dead weight again.
[and he thinks he's done that - he's been working hard since he got here. but there's still this sense of.... being lost that he hasn't quite been able to shake. uncertainty and doubt. he's just gotten better at pushing it aside as he tries to unpack it.]
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but he'll stand up, stretch, and walk over to mineo. he lifts up his bottle of water and bumps it against mineo's cheek-- it's still a little cold. ]
I can't really give you an answer on any of this. So, just keep moving forward, and we'll see where we end up.
But you don't have to follow after me if you ever think I'm moving too far in a direction that you can't go.
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... I'm not following you.
[he's not following anyone ever again - he's not making them his goal post, his guiding light, or any of that. some people, once they've earned his respect and he thinks they know better - they get to tell mineo what to do. takeru's one of those people, but that's still not the same. he doesn't want to be blind to the people he cares about.]
But I'm not leaving you alone either.
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...
takeru will just offer a shrug. ]
Fine.
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[ - but it's obviously just an attempt to steer things a little bit more back to normal. a tiny bit less serious. when mineo smiles a moment after, it's sincere but lacks the usual careless, blinding light to it.]
I'll - figure out my answers. I don't expect you or anyone else to give them to me.
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[ he can only offer advice, and even then he's not entirely sure if his current position means he has that right.
he'll lower his arm. ]
Just don't run into things so blindly here. You're an easy choice for indulging, so don't die and make it more complicated for me.
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[because for mineo, at least, it's his only chance at going home.]
... You can't die either, Takeru.
[selfishly, mineo thinks he can't go through that again.]
I don't really care what rules you have to break, or what you have to do - just make it.
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I don't have any plans of losing this chance.
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.... I know your wish means a lot to you, if it's why you came here. And I'll help you, for as long as we're here.
[he pauses for a second before tilting his head]
But I care about you going home even more than that. And then once we're back - ... I'll help you figure it out there too, okay? Whatever you can live with.
[even if he can't exactly say he'll help with a murder plot - even now, he doesn't know if he likes it but. he did say he wouldn't leave takeru alone.]
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[ he doesn't want to think about what will happen once they're back if he fails here. ]
Let's just handle things here.
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Fine. I can make that work.
[they will simply not die and if takeru is dead this weekend i'll kill you so fast]