I'm trying to come back to life after fucking up badly enough that I lost my chance the first time.
[mineo is, at present, currently trying to literally defy death. he has no illusions about how much power he has to accumulate to get that to happen.]
I think trying to resolve our memories, even if we're from alternate timelines, so that we don't forget each other and what happened here is manageable.
he's shocked - to start. there's something in his gaze that shows it. the fury, the pain, the rage directed toward one organization that calls themselves the deliverers of justice. and what do they want with takeru—
[ . . . . . . . he doesn't like hearing that. it's obvious in the furrow of his brow and the way that his hand clenches in a fist - though he has the decency to press it against his own jaw to rest his head rather than swing.]
[it sure is! and mineo just bristles at it before he insists, a bit more furiously - ]
They don't get to use you! They don't get to just kill Fuji-senpai, and then steal you away because they promise you more death! You—
[he bites his tongue - because he can't tell takeru what to do. not when he doesn't get it. takeru lost someone important to him, and he's so focused on revenge that he's willing to risk his life here for it.
but it still makes mineo so fucking mad]
.... you don't need those assholes. Not now, not ever.
He killed my mother. She died protecting me, and then he went for trial for it and got out because of his connections. I tried to kill him, but because of those connections, I couldn't even get close.
[ he shifts in his seat, turning so that he can face mineo more fully. ]
They showed me a video of him in Japan. I don't know if you've ever really wanted someone dead-- no. Not just dead. That you want to be the one to do it, so you can just watch the life fade out of them. It's a pretty consuming feeling.
Time can pass without me thinking about it. It's not always at the front of my mind, but it's there somewhere. It's shaped the person who I am today, and who I will be every day after.
[ even ichika couldn't shake that, despite everything she had done for him. ]
When you see the face of someone you hate that badly, it's hard to say no, even when you know you're just being used.
[ . . . . he listens. to his credit, he listens instead of just blowing up. even for how severe his expression is, he acknowledges how much takeru is telling him - even giving him the details that he'd left out in the past.
could mineo forgive that situation, if he lost his mother? his sister? could he be able to walk away from that kind of loss, knowing that the system had failed him and his family? in a way, he knows something similar to it but.]
.... I don't even know who I'm supposed to hate, or what I want done with them.
[their situations are different - takeru knows exactly the person who he can't forgive is. but if mineo were to have his own answer dangled in front of him, would he be able to do anything but run after it? if it came from someone other than adonis?
isn't that just another reason why he's here?]
... what were you going to do after? [past tense, because takeru is going to get his wish here. he's not going with adonis.] You get your revenge and then - what, you'll be under Adonis' thumb? You'll help with X-Day and just leave the rest of us behind?
he's seen what happened with akito-- how even when someone can regret their actions, how trapped they can be after agreeing to it. and even while knowing that, he still couldn't say no without hesitation. ]
They wouldn't just let me go after. So I'd most likely have to help with it in whatever way they saw fit.
.... that can't happen. Don't do it. We'll get you your wish here and even if we don't—
[he shakes his head - because he vehemently disagrees with everything about it. there's so much that's hard for him to grasp, but - ] The asshole that took so much from you deserves to see hell.
But you can't go down in flames with him. You shouldn't have to leave your whole life behind for some bastard!
[he's not kind enough to empathize with some criminal that he's never met - but the idea of losing a friend to revenge like this (again, because it's always losing people who chase after concepts like revenge or glory, blinded by their false light) makes anger drips into his veins]
he wonders if he shouldn't have said anything. but, after the last week, some people know minor bits and pieces-- never the whole story, never really enough to be too concerned about it. but those small pieces were still more than what mineo had.
takeru doesn't particularly think he's a good person; he knows mineo doubts that about himself too, but their reasons are different. takeru hasn't been too secretive about the fact that he doesn't want to end the x-day incidents for some noble reasoning. it's just selfishness coming from his own trauma. ]
I'll deal with it if it gets to that point. But I'll just get my wish.
[say you'll deal with it. it makes mineo's heart ache in a way that he hates. to say that he'll let takeru deal with this feels so familiar - like every single instance where he let fuji walk away from him without questioning a damn thing. for so long, mineo was so blind to the people he cared about and once they were out of sight -
they were gone.]
.... you'll - get it, Takeru. [if there's no way that mineo can truly talk takeru out of wanting to kill someone - what right does he have? - then at least he can advocate for the situation that doesn't end with him working for the same criminal organization that killed him.
but he'll reach out, placing a hand on takeru's arm.]
... but what the hell do I have to say? What do I have to do?
To get you to hear me when I say that you don't have to do this on your own?
I know it's fucked up, and that it would be especially hard for you to hear it after everything. It's unfair for me to unload this on you after what you've told me about what happened to you. [ he can't really explain the complicated emotions he sat on when mineo confessed to his death. ] I know it's not the right thing to do.
[ he's pretty prepared to still feel terrible after! but anything is better than this. ]
[his brow twitches - more in confusion than in any other feeling.]
... I don't care if it's fucked up or unfair to me.
[that's not anywhere in his thoughts or concerns. this isn't about him. none of this conversation is about him and even if he's angry about adonis and everything they've stolen from him, it's not as though takeru made this choice to spite mineo in particular.]
I'm... I'm not glad you told me - [nothing about this conversation is a happy or fortunate thing] - but I get what it means for you to trust me with this.
I'm not mad at you. I'm mad for you. Maybe my priorities are screwed up but -
I just don't want you to suffer anymore - and choosing Adonis is just another prison.
if someone as smart as takeru can't work through this, mineo wonders what he can do to help. but then he supposes it's not a matter of what he can or can't do, just what he will do. he's stubborn and annoying, and he can't manage more than that.
but he'll at least try. he taps his knuckles against takeru's shoulder.]
.... rely on me before you rely on them.
[he just wants to know he's first in line before adonis, when takeru thinks of his options]
[ the last time he relied on someone first, it didn't really do anything for him in the long run.
but there's something about the insistence, mineo's demand to be apart of this that's... there's the shallow layer of annoyance. of course there is, because takeru is private and independent and someone else trying to shove their way in makes him want to just push them back out.
takeru reaches over, and hooks his middle finger and thumb around mineo's wrist. it only last a second before he lets go. ]
mineo pauses for a second, a little startled by the contact. but the surprise doesn't last long, melting into something more certainly pleased. he reaches back out as takeru pulls away, catching his hand in his and giving it a squeeze. give him an inch and he'll take a mile. but even then the hold is loose enough for takeru to pull away like mineo expects him to]
.... then I won't let you down.
Whatever it is that you figure out... I'll be here.
[ he definitely pulls his hand back, to the surprise of no one. there's a slight scowl on his face, but it's overshadowed by the contemplative look in his eyes. ]
[ he doesn't say anything in response to that at first.
he thinks about the test he gave to ichika for her to earn the right to be his partner, and how when she passed she was so excited about it. and takeru wonders if mineo passed a similar one.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Sure we will.
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[mineo is, at present, currently trying to literally defy death. he has no illusions about how much power he has to accumulate to get that to happen.]
I think trying to resolve our memories, even if we're from alternate timelines, so that we don't forget each other and what happened here is manageable.
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Adonis is trying to recruit me.
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he's shocked - to start. there's something in his gaze that shows it. the fury, the pain, the rage directed toward one organization that calls themselves the deliverers of justice. and what do they want with takeru—
before it clicks.
right.
revenge.]
.... yeah?
What're you thinking?
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[ although he knows that mineo won't like hearing that. ]
And then I got a different one right after, and ended up here.
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.... you can't take it.
[he said it before and he'll say it again - ]
You're better than them.
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[ although he knows that still isn't what mineo wants to hear, since the implication there is still that takeru considered it. ]
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They don't get to use you! They don't get to just kill Fuji-senpai, and then steal you away because they promise you more death! You—
[he bites his tongue - because he can't tell takeru what to do. not when he doesn't get it. takeru lost someone important to him, and he's so focused on revenge that he's willing to risk his life here for it.
but it still makes mineo so fucking mad]
.... you don't need those assholes. Not now, not ever.
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[ he shifts in his seat, turning so that he can face mineo more fully. ]
They showed me a video of him in Japan. I don't know if you've ever really wanted someone dead-- no. Not just dead. That you want to be the one to do it, so you can just watch the life fade out of them. It's a pretty consuming feeling.
Time can pass without me thinking about it. It's not always at the front of my mind, but it's there somewhere. It's shaped the person who I am today, and who I will be every day after.
[ even ichika couldn't shake that, despite everything she had done for him. ]
When you see the face of someone you hate that badly, it's hard to say no, even when you know you're just being used.
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could mineo forgive that situation, if he lost his mother? his sister? could he be able to walk away from that kind of loss, knowing that the system had failed him and his family? in a way, he knows something similar to it but.]
.... I don't even know who I'm supposed to hate, or what I want done with them.
[their situations are different - takeru knows exactly the person who he can't forgive is. but if mineo were to have his own answer dangled in front of him, would he be able to do anything but run after it? if it came from someone other than adonis?
isn't that just another reason why he's here?]
... what were you going to do after? [past tense, because takeru is going to get his wish here. he's not going with adonis.] You get your revenge and then - what, you'll be under Adonis' thumb? You'll help with X-Day and just leave the rest of us behind?
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[ he can't deny it.
he's seen what happened with akito-- how even when someone can regret their actions, how trapped they can be after agreeing to it. and even while knowing that, he still couldn't say no without hesitation. ]
They wouldn't just let me go after. So I'd most likely have to help with it in whatever way they saw fit.
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[he shakes his head - because he vehemently disagrees with everything about it. there's so much that's hard for him to grasp, but - ] The asshole that took so much from you deserves to see hell.
But you can't go down in flames with him. You shouldn't have to leave your whole life behind for some bastard!
[he's not kind enough to empathize with some criminal that he's never met - but the idea of losing a friend to revenge like this (again, because it's always losing people who chase after concepts like revenge or glory, blinded by their false light) makes anger drips into his veins]
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he wonders if he shouldn't have said anything. but, after the last week, some people know minor bits and pieces-- never the whole story, never really enough to be too concerned about it. but those small pieces were still more than what mineo had.
takeru doesn't particularly think he's a good person; he knows mineo doubts that about himself too, but their reasons are different. takeru hasn't been too secretive about the fact that he doesn't want to end the x-day incidents for some noble reasoning. it's just selfishness coming from his own trauma. ]
I'll deal with it if it gets to that point. But I'll just get my wish.
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[say you'll deal with it. it makes mineo's heart ache in a way that he hates. to say that he'll let takeru deal with this feels so familiar - like every single instance where he let fuji walk away from him without questioning a damn thing. for so long, mineo was so blind to the people he cared about and once they were out of sight -
they were gone.]
.... you'll - get it, Takeru. [if there's no way that mineo can truly talk takeru out of wanting to kill someone - what right does he have? - then at least he can advocate for the situation that doesn't end with him working for the same criminal organization that killed him.
but he'll reach out, placing a hand on takeru's arm.]
... but what the hell do I have to say? What do I have to do?
To get you to hear me when I say that you don't have to do this on your own?
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I know it's fucked up, and that it would be especially hard for you to hear it after everything. It's unfair for me to unload this on you after what you've told me about what happened to you. [ he can't really explain the complicated emotions he sat on when mineo confessed to his death. ] I know it's not the right thing to do.
[ he's pretty prepared to still feel terrible after! but anything is better than this. ]
But I don't know how to answer those questions.
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... I don't care if it's fucked up or unfair to me.
[that's not anywhere in his thoughts or concerns. this isn't about him. none of this conversation is about him and even if he's angry about adonis and everything they've stolen from him, it's not as though takeru made this choice to spite mineo in particular.]
I'm... I'm not glad you told me - [nothing about this conversation is a happy or fortunate thing] - but I get what it means for you to trust me with this.
I'm not mad at you. I'm mad for you. Maybe my priorities are screwed up but -
I just don't want you to suffer anymore - and choosing Adonis is just another prison.
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[ feels worth it?
it's complicated, now that he's removed from the situation. with more time and space away from the offer, and he can really sit on it in thought. ]
I can't give you an answer on a lot of things. I don't know if you can help, or if I even want help. I'm trying to figure it out.
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if someone as smart as takeru can't work through this, mineo wonders what he can do to help. but then he supposes it's not a matter of what he can or can't do, just what he will do. he's stubborn and annoying, and he can't manage more than that.
but he'll at least try. he taps his knuckles against takeru's shoulder.]
.... rely on me before you rely on them.
[he just wants to know he's first in line before adonis, when takeru thinks of his options]
Can you try that?
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but there's something about the insistence, mineo's demand to be apart of this that's... there's the shallow layer of annoyance. of course there is, because takeru is private and independent and someone else trying to shove their way in makes him want to just push them back out.
takeru reaches over, and hooks his middle finger and thumb around mineo's wrist. it only last a second before he lets go. ]
I can try.
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mineo pauses for a second, a little startled by the contact. but the surprise doesn't last long, melting into something more certainly pleased. he reaches back out as takeru pulls away, catching his hand in his and giving it a squeeze. give him an inch and he'll take a mile. but even then the hold is loose enough for takeru to pull away like mineo expects him to]
.... then I won't let you down.
Whatever it is that you figure out... I'll be here.
[he'll try to reach out to takeru every time.]
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Don't get too sappy about it.
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[but mineo doesn't seem surprised by that at all, just resting back on the couch.]
Or at least, I'm yours.
[it hasn't escaped him that takeru has refused to call mineo his partner out loud -
. . .
he's decided he can live with that too, though.]
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he thinks about the test he gave to ichika for her to earn the right to be his partner, and how when she passed she was so excited about it. and takeru wonders if mineo passed a similar one.
... probably. ]
Do you want to hear it?
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... only if you mean it.
[otherwise there's no point.]
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