.... you want to know about why Adonis judged me, right?
[ . . . . he shifts then, letting his shoulders flatten out as he thinks about it.]
.... we all kept reminding Hoshino about the collar - but I think I somehow forget and let my mouth just blabber on. She found out about... a couple things. She talked to Satake-san, my old boss in Field Ops. He told her about how Fuji-senpai and I were close, and then about how....
When they released the April video, I recognized him. I said we had to get working ASAP, because I wouldn't mistake Fuji-senpai for anybody else. Higher ups said no, 'cause Adonis still wasn't attached as a name yet. So they worked me like a dog until the May video came out. And... you saw what happened after. [when mineo found the body]
... of everyone, I should be the most intense about X-Day cases, probably. It's - so personal for me, I should be making more progress.
[takeru would know - he's the one who scolded mineo every time he seemed like he was listlessly dragging his feet]
... but I told Hoshino to give it up. That Yanagi-senpai would switch her to a different case, because she wouldn't make any progress with me. Because I knew I was dead weight. And then I left the office.
[he turns his hand over if only to look at his Sloth tattoo. yeah. it's a sin that makes sense for him.]
takeru knew that something was wrong with the timeline between them, mostly since things didn't really add up since mineo first insisted to find out what takeru was doing before coming here. but this pretty much confirms it.
he's not sure what to think about that. he files it away to ponder later, when he has time to dedicate to it. ]
And they got you.
[ mineo was punished for something that he's currently representing. it's... probably a terrible reminder, to see that tattoo. ]
[to be told to indulge every single day, on the thing that caused him such harm, on something that caused him such aching pain because he couldn't move forward.
at the question, he pauses a little bit.]
.... less so here. I feel....
[ . . . . ]
Different.
I'm not the same as I was back in Field Ops, when I would charge into everything. I.... I mean, I had to be good at my job, so I was. But I didn't question anything back then.
[justice - what it meant to help people, what it meant to be good or righteous. he never spared a thought for it, because he thought that he was always doing good.]
.... but at least I feel like I'm moving again. And I don't feel as blind or naive as I was before.
[a beat]
I think they judged me for one other thing. I mean... based on what they said.
[ . . . . to psychologically corner someone you admired - ]
... it feels weird to say that I was good at my job, but - you know I went looking for evidence that Fuji-senpai was innocent. I... didn't end up finding any. Instead, when I talked to his family... they just said that he was desperate for promotion, and terrified of his juniors surpassing him.
[ . . . ]
When I got promoted to Field Ops, I thought Fuji-senpai was proud of me - he joked around with me and praised me that day too. But... there were rumors that he was jealous.
And then the false arrests started to stack up after that.
[he looks away, if only because he acknowledges how silly this might sound out loud - ]
.... it felt for a while like I was the reason he got judged. [ . . . ] Then when they caught me, they told me as much.
You do know that him being jealous isn't your fault, right?
[ he leans back against the couch, not quite looking at mineo as he talks. ]
Your success isn't a reflection of him. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that someone else was better. Pinning the blame on you was just a lazy way of taking you out of the picture.
Just because Adonis says something is true doesn't mean that it is. Just because you admired him doesn't mean his feelings were right.
[ . . . . he runs a hand through his hair as he listens and - ]
.... yeah.
I think I get now at least, that I can't control how anybody else feels. And that I got judged for pretty shitty reasons - even if they were things that I shouldn't have done. [should've worked harder on the case, shouldn't have been an ass about it - but did he deserve to die for any of it?]
... but until I win here and figure out how to get my life back on track [and back in general], those are the reasons that won.
But I don't plan on letting that be the case for much longer.
it's probably a little stupid and a little sad, what a difference that makes to hear. maybe it's because he spent months and months knowing that takeru always disapproved of him. that even as they were close enough to be friendly, there was something inherent in mineo's work ethic that was flawed and got in the way.
mineo can't wait on anyone's approval to matter, not when he has so much to wrestle with himself.
but something in takeru's words make him smile - and surprise a laugh out of him, a genuinely pleased note.]
.... then I'll deliver the note when I punch their leader in the face.
or whatever that means for them, because even if they manage to reach some sort of understanding, it's not like it'll undo how their relationship works. ]
[a nod, and he'll move to get up. it sure is friday in this thread wow it feels so long ago. but mineo will consider this his break and it's time to get back to hyperfixating on the case]
I'll keep looking. I'll shoot you a text if I find or hear anything.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[because he can give takeru space when the other is talking about something difficult or painful -
but mineo's not the same. he'd rather feel like he's talking to a friend, than giving a report]
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he doesn't move at first, but he'll eventually walk over and sit. ]
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[ . . . . he shifts then, letting his shoulders flatten out as he thinks about it.]
.... we all kept reminding Hoshino about the collar - but I think I somehow forget and let my mouth just blabber on. She found out about... a couple things. She talked to Satake-san, my old boss in Field Ops. He told her about how Fuji-senpai and I were close, and then about how....
When they released the April video, I recognized him. I said we had to get working ASAP, because I wouldn't mistake Fuji-senpai for anybody else. Higher ups said no, 'cause Adonis still wasn't attached as a name yet. So they worked me like a dog until the May video came out. And... you saw what happened after. [when mineo found the body]
... of everyone, I should be the most intense about X-Day cases, probably. It's - so personal for me, I should be making more progress.
[takeru would know - he's the one who scolded mineo every time he seemed like he was listlessly dragging his feet]
... but I told Hoshino to give it up. That Yanagi-senpai would switch her to a different case, because she wouldn't make any progress with me. Because I knew I was dead weight. And then I left the office.
[he turns his hand over if only to look at his Sloth tattoo. yeah. it's a sin that makes sense for him.]
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takeru knew that something was wrong with the timeline between them, mostly since things didn't really add up since mineo first insisted to find out what takeru was doing before coming here. but this pretty much confirms it.
he's not sure what to think about that. he files it away to ponder later, when he has time to dedicate to it. ]
And they got you.
[ mineo was punished for something that he's currently representing. it's... probably a terrible reminder, to see that tattoo. ]
Do you still consider yourself dead weight?
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at the question, he pauses a little bit.]
.... less so here. I feel....
[ . . . . ]
Different.
I'm not the same as I was back in Field Ops, when I would charge into everything. I.... I mean, I had to be good at my job, so I was. But I didn't question anything back then.
[justice - what it meant to help people, what it meant to be good or righteous. he never spared a thought for it, because he thought that he was always doing good.]
.... but at least I feel like I'm moving again. And I don't feel as blind or naive as I was before.
[a beat]
I think they judged me for one other thing. I mean... based on what they said.
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What was it?
[ it's probably better to have mineo talk through it, instead of takeru assuming things for an event he wasn't actually there for. ]
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... it feels weird to say that I was good at my job, but - you know I went looking for evidence that Fuji-senpai was innocent. I... didn't end up finding any. Instead, when I talked to his family... they just said that he was desperate for promotion, and terrified of his juniors surpassing him.
[ . . . ]
When I got promoted to Field Ops, I thought Fuji-senpai was proud of me - he joked around with me and praised me that day too. But... there were rumors that he was jealous.
And then the false arrests started to stack up after that.
[he looks away, if only because he acknowledges how silly this might sound out loud - ]
.... it felt for a while like I was the reason he got judged. [ . . . ] Then when they caught me, they told me as much.
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[ he leans back against the couch, not quite looking at mineo as he talks. ]
Your success isn't a reflection of him. He just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that someone else was better. Pinning the blame on you was just a lazy way of taking you out of the picture.
Just because Adonis says something is true doesn't mean that it is. Just because you admired him doesn't mean his feelings were right.
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.... yeah.
I think I get now at least, that I can't control how anybody else feels. And that I got judged for pretty shitty reasons - even if they were things that I shouldn't have done. [should've worked harder on the case, shouldn't have been an ass about it - but did he deserve to die for any of it?]
... but until I win here and figure out how to get my life back on track [and back in general], those are the reasons that won.
But I don't plan on letting that be the case for much longer.
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As long as you keep proving to me that you'll be useful, you'll be fine. Getting my approval means they're wrong regardless.
[ ... ]
[1/2]
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it's probably a little stupid and a little sad, what a difference that makes to hear. maybe it's because he spent months and months knowing that takeru always disapproved of him. that even as they were close enough to be friendly, there was something inherent in mineo's work ethic that was flawed and got in the way.
mineo can't wait on anyone's approval to matter, not when he has so much to wrestle with himself.
but something in takeru's words make him smile - and surprise a laugh out of him, a genuinely pleased note.]
.... then I'll deliver the note when I punch their leader in the face.
[ . . . ]
Thanks, Takeru.
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[ he huffs, not really sure what to say after that.
... is it really okay? for him to say it? after all of the grief he gave him?
... ]
Let's just do work.
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[he sighs out a breath after that.]
.... are we good?
[do they now know an insane amount of personal information about each other]
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[ they're good
or whatever that means for them, because even if they manage to reach some sort of understanding, it's not like it'll undo how their relationship works. ]
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I'll keep looking. I'll shoot you a text if I find or hear anything.
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[ he just decided this was the extent of his mineo hours for friday. goodbye. ]