[hgghhhh he feels guilty now.... but then he'll falter - there's a few different nervous feelings before they eventually get squished down. forcefully. and then he'll shift so he's sitting closer to takeru then and -
lean down to give him a kiss, which is unfortunately just very sweet and warm more than anything else]
[ . . . . . he doesn't like how that was said? there's a little irritation in his chest, but it's not directed at takeru at least. so instead he just kisses him again.]
... that's not it.
I probably want to more than I should.
[ . . . funny how just a week ago they were talking about this, actually? about how they'd need to talk if anything changed about their partnership and indulgences.
but then he'll press more kisses to takeru's face. against his cheeks, the corner of his mouth, his forehead. they're light, and perhaps more reminiscent of the uncertain yet certain kisses he gave when they were in the observing room. between kisses, he murmurs softly]
... until I can be someone who can give all of myself away without worrying about if I'm good enough.
[because right now he's not good enough. he has too many things to figure out about himself, and about the mysteries that took his life in the first place.]
And until we can promise that nothing will ever matter as much as each other, because that's the type of love I believe in, and I don't want to give or receive anything less.
[it's funny.
how easily mineo could declare that nothing and no one matters as much as takeru - here. but once they leave, aren't there so many other things that they have to worry about? if takeru will run away, if mineo will be able to keep up. but if it's love - the type of love that mineo has always dreamed about wanting... mineo can't accept conditions like that being attached.
[ it's what he expected, and also not, since mineo actually said the word, when he was avoiding referencing it before.
but it does help takeru come to a decision. since it's not particularly fair to string mineo along, when takeru has been very upfront with the fact that he has one foot out the door at all times. and who, exactly, would want that?
there's a pause, and he'll give mineo another proper kiss. there's an ache to it, but he's feelings are primarily resolute. firm. ]
[mineo meets the kiss with an ache of his own. he wants to be in love so badly. and yet he cannot feel as though he wants to be in love so badly that he can compromise on everything he'd want to give to the person he cares about - who cares about him.
but as he kisses takeru back, claims a second one at the heels of the first - he's not exactly blind to it.
that this could be love. fragile, a little twisted, but maybe - with enough time and care...
and yet - ]
... I'd still do just about anything for you, Takeru.
You know, you probably shouldn't say things like that to an alleged S.
[ he gives him another kiss, slow but with a sense of possessiveness to it, before he pulls away. takeru reaches over to grab his drink and down what's left of the glass, and once it's empty, he stands back up. ]
Break is over.
[ he wanders back to the water without looking to see if mineo is following him. ]
[ . . . hmmmm possessiveness. that could be a problem later, but mineo decides not to worry about it right now. instead he'll just continue to feel a vague sense of offense that takeru won't accept his S crown before finishing off his drink too and -
[ . . . . . mineo is just. following after and he won't let takeru get too far away from him but he is at least still just barely touching the sand - ]
I hear we're not supposed to go too far...?
[just fretting gently because further out is SPACE]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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You didn't.
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Don't give me that?! I don't even know if you liked kissing me back then?! It can't just be my fault!
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[ like
even with indulgences, if he wasn't into it, he would find someone else? ]
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?????????????????????]
What....?
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[ mineo takeru was so mad when you didn't admit it ]
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And in the end, I'm still the one who mostly always had to initiate anyway.
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[hgghhhh he feels guilty now.... but then he'll falter - there's a few different nervous feelings before they eventually get squished down. forcefully. and then he'll shift so he's sitting closer to takeru then and -
lean down to give him a kiss, which is unfortunately just very sweet and warm more than anything else]
... I can try to more....
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very terrible how used to kissing mineo he is. ]
Well, I won't make you if you're not up for it.
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... that's not it.
I probably want to more than I should.
[ . . . funny how just a week ago they were talking about this, actually? about how they'd need to talk if anything changed about their partnership and indulgences.
things change so fast.]
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he sighs, and then sets his glass down. ]
What's the limit in wanting it then?
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but then he'll press more kisses to takeru's face. against his cheeks, the corner of his mouth, his forehead. they're light, and perhaps more reminiscent of the uncertain yet certain kisses he gave when they were in the observing room. between kisses, he murmurs softly]
... until I can be someone who can give all of myself away without worrying about if I'm good enough.
[because right now he's not good enough. he has too many things to figure out about himself, and about the mysteries that took his life in the first place.]
And until we can promise that nothing will ever matter as much as each other, because that's the type of love I believe in, and I don't want to give or receive anything less.
[it's funny.
how easily mineo could declare that nothing and no one matters as much as takeru - here. but once they leave, aren't there so many other things that they have to worry about? if takeru will run away, if mineo will be able to keep up. but if it's love - the type of love that mineo has always dreamed about wanting... mineo can't accept conditions like that being attached.
and so, until then - ]
I have to be careful about how much I want you.
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but it does help takeru come to a decision. since it's not particularly fair to string mineo along, when takeru has been very upfront with the fact that he has one foot out the door at all times. and who, exactly, would want that?
there's a pause, and he'll give mineo another proper kiss. there's an ache to it, but he's feelings are primarily resolute. firm. ]
Okay. [ ... ] I can work with that.
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but as he kisses takeru back, claims a second one at the heels of the first - he's not exactly blind to it.
that this could be love. fragile, a little twisted, but maybe - with enough time and care...
and yet - ]
... I'd still do just about anything for you, Takeru.
[ - even if it's not.]
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[ he gives him another kiss, slow but with a sense of possessiveness to it, before he pulls away. takeru reaches over to grab his drink and down what's left of the glass, and once it's empty, he stands back up. ]
Break is over.
[ he wanders back to the water without looking to see if mineo is following him. ]
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[ . . . hmmmm possessiveness. that could be a problem later, but mineo decides not to worry about it right now. instead he'll just continue to feel a vague sense of offense that takeru won't accept his S crown before finishing off his drink too and -
yeah, loyally following after.]
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but takeru will just wade out into the ocean, and just keep going far enough so that his feet aren't quite touching the ground anymore. ]
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I hear we're not supposed to go too far...?
[just fretting gently because further out is SPACE]
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You have to go out more for the shark to show up.
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[ he is definitely not touching ground right now, but at least now he isn't actively going further out. ]